The inevitable has occurred: it’s snowing in Cambridge again. The temperature has been below freezing for the past two weeks, snowdrifts up to our knees line the streets, and there’s snow sign of this bad weather stopping. Harvard admin, on the other hand, has remained utterly unfazed: classes have proceeded as scheduled, despite the fact that many Boston-area schools, including MIT (weak!), enjoyed a relaxing snow day a few weeks ago. Keep your snowboots and jackets on hand, you’re going to need them!

Many students have raised concerns about poorly cleared roads and sidewalks, which have reduced foot traffic on campus. We’ve heard your Sidechat complaints, seen the inch-wide walkways, and witnessed more than a few wipe-outs, and we’re here to help. Please enjoy our carefully curated guide on getting to class in these treacherous conditions:

Toboggan

In case you haven’t heard, tobogganing (is that a word?) is the chic version of sledding. If you ventured to Widener’s steps during FWOC and broke a dhall tray trying to fit yourself and your friend, consider tobogganing as a safer alternative. Bring your friend, too: toboggans accommodate two. Offering ride-share services to peers is also a great way to make new friends and break the ice. Ha!

Skis

I saw someone doing this in Cambridge Commons the other day. And, while I was indeed walking faster than him, he received quite a bit of attention by penguin-walking and hoisting his entire body weight across the snow. So I guess this is the aura farming method — granted that your parents actually taught you to ski (written with barely contained envy) — and you don’t care about being late to class. Looks like we might need to send you to the Winter Olympics!

Dog-Sled (Pulled by Sasha)

This is perhaps not the most ethical mode of transportation, but it is an option (if Sasha is a consenting participant). That being said, Sasha is one busy girl. If you can manage to grab her from one of her many photo shoots or promotional tours around campus, she just might be able to spot you a ride to class. Just remember to tip her in treats!

16” Platform Stilettos

With an estimated 14” of snow on the ground, you’re likely to come out ahead on this one. We’ve added an extra two inches as a buffer, but 15” and up should work (consult your local meteorologist). Another benefit here is visibility: with a bird’s eye view, you’ll have no issues navigating large or crowded areas. Legal disclaimer: Flyby shall not be held liable for any tumbles taken by readers who opt for this mode of transportation.

Human Stack

This one requires some skill but, when executed correctly, can be quite effective. The strategy is as follows: select a member of your friend group from the most northern state (or Canada, preferably) and place them at the bottom. Then, progressively stack the rest of your friends on each other’s shoulders, from most to least snow experience. If all goes well, you should form a stack one person wide and as many people tall as you’d like. Then, get going! From a utilitarian standpoint, this strategy is sound: minimize snow-related inconveniences by delegating to the most experienced team member. They’ve probably been telling you, “it’s not even that cold” — anyway, now they can prove it.

Shoveling

Those roads aren’t going to clear themselves! Before you go around complaining about the effectiveness of Boston’s snow plows, try rolling up your sleeves (actually, keep them down — best to avoid frostbite if possible) and getting your hands dirty. Not only can this be an incredibly performative use of your time, but it can also be a workout in these frigid conditions. It’s a classic two-for-one: get jacked and look useful.

Flamethrower

Just imagine how iconic this will be — casually using flamethrowers to clear the way (and maybe, traumatizing tourists) for everyone. Not only are you removing the snow, but you are also bringing the heat. You’re basically the opposite of Elsa from Frozen. Who knows, if you do it with enough pizzazz, you could even earn tips. Expect people to be clipping you and posting it to Sidechat — but for doing a good deed!

Hire an Etsy Witch

I’m being totally serious about this. Pay $3 to have them perform all types of witchcraft and readings to manifest that “Class Canceled” Canvas notification so you can sleep in. Put your faith in higher powers, and see what transpires. There’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of — you miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take.

Romanticize

This is a coping mechanism above all else. Create that Spotify playlist full of cozy, winter-esque songs — Winter Wonderland, Santa Baby (is Christmas ever really over?), Sweater Weather, you name it. Trust me, if you blast these songs in your ears, it might bring a smile to your face.

We hope you enjoyed these handy tips on getting to class when the going gets tough. Feel free to implement any of these (again: we will not be held liable for any ensuing accidents) this week, because even more snow is in the forecast. Oh, and before you dare blame us for the snow coming back with a vengeance, don’t forget that this is all Mr. Punxsutawney Phil’s fault. Gosh darn his stupid shadow.

Stay warm, Harvard!