With seemingly endless snow, it seems as though Spring will never be upon us. Who can even keep up with the weather forecast nowadays (besides those who subscribe to Harvard Today, of course)? And no matter what you do, how well you prepare, the snow catches all of us off guard. If you’re clumsy or a victim of weather blindness and are now rocking your heeled boots in the snow, you may find yourself on the ground after slipping on ice. In a pinch, here are various strategies to use when you’re one with the asphalt.

Ice Angel

This is the top strategy. Make it look really purposeful here, like you meant to go down like that, so you could get to the ground quicker in order to make the most efficient ice angel possible. Never heard of an ice angel? It doesn’t matter. If anyone questions you, gaslight. ‘I heard it’s the new trend. Don’t believe me—check TikTok.’ Because no one can argue with that.

Roll Away

It’s probably faster than trying to stand up and walk away (given the fact you’ve tried that five times now, and you’ve just fallen down harder each time). You might as well just roll yourself to the nearest dry patch of ground and assist yourself up from there. Maybe someone will take pity on you and pry you up before then.

Act Like You Dropped Something

Maybe this will result in a meet-cute. When you are down there picking up your entire inventory that fell out of your bag from your humongous tumble, your section crush will rescue you like some sort of superhero. And when you're both picking up all your crap, your hands will brush, and he will lean in and kiss you. Take that, Circle.

Scream Really Loudly

What are you screaming about? No one really knows. It’s irrelevant in this scenario. Everyone will be so confused at the fact you’re screaming bloody murder, they won’t bat an eye at the fact you're doing it laying on the ground in your wet pants.

Cry

No one can laugh at you. It’s just not nice. Act like you got really hurt, like you broke your tailbone or something. YEEEOUCH! This way if anyone judges you, it makes them the fool, not you. Never you, dear reader.

Just Lie There

Just accept your fate. People lie on the grass all the time in the Spring semester! No one ever clarified at what point in the Spring semester, and on what surface you’re permitted to lie down. Use your backpack as a pillow, make yourself comfortable, and wait for the crowd to disperse. You’ll be here for a while.

Laugh and Take Pictures of Other People

You can’t be ostracized if you are the ostracizer. Just really lie there, get comfortable on that ice, and point and laugh at other people. No one will know what you’re doing. And that’s exactly the point. Losers. Surely, someone will join you—their FOMO is too large to ignore. Maybe you can get a club going there, and in a couple of years, you can start your alumni network up. It’ll be great.

Breakdance on the Ground

Woah! You thought I fell! You’re so gullible. Whoa, what are my hips doing! You know they don’t lie! Grab someone nearby to film you, and you’ve got yourself a hit TikTok video. This can even be your first step toward becoming a campus microinfluencer. The opportunities are endless.

We hope know that some of these will come in handy at some point this semester. And if you fall, don't worry. It happens to the best of us. Just play it cool, and then complain about the lack of salt on the sidewalks on Sidechat when you get home. You’ll get a couple of pity-upvotes. So stay warm, and let us know if you try any of these out.

You’re welcome.