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THE ADVENTURES OF ASHER CRIMERSTICKS, FRESHMAN.

NO WRITER ATTRIBUTED

OUR hero is a country youth,

A Yankee through and through

The scene is Harvard; and the time,

October, '71.

YES, I confess I'm stunned a bit

By things which I have seen

And undergone since I've been here;

The friendly calls, I mean.

I'm darned if I can understand

The meaning of it all.

I think I know what constitutes

A social friendly call, -

At least, what did when I was home;

But somehow here I find

That favors known as friendly calls

Are quite another kind.

For instance, on a stormy night,

Not many weeks ago,

I heard a rapping at my door.

I opened it; and lo,

Before me stood four stranger chaps

Dressed out in flaming style,

Each bearing in his hand a cane,

And on his head a tile.

I stood, expecting them to turn;

But no, they bowed instead,

And, entering with an easy air,

The foremost of them said,

"Good evening, Mr. Crimersticks."

Said I, "You have me there.

I've doubtless seen you all before,

But can't say when nor where."

"This gentleman is Faker Smith;

And this Cunctatus Bones;

The next is Marcus Brutus Brown, -

My name is Peleg Jones."

stared the fellows in the face.

Thinks I, "'T is mighty queer

That each should have a heathen name,

And all be calling here."

But then they looked so honest like,

And had such nobby airs,

I threw suspicion to the dogs,

And set for them some chairs.

Said Jones, "We'd like a match or two

Before we have a chat;

And if you have a good cigar,

We don't object to that."

"Cigars!" said I. "I never smoke!"

"Don't smoke!" re-echoed Brown.

"Ha, ha! You play it pretty well;

But then, it won't go down.

Don't think that you can bluff us now

With any scaly trick.

Come, hustle out the weeds, my boy,

And show yourself a brick."

Said I, "If it were in my power,

I'd yield to your request;

For it's against my father's creed

To disappoint a guest;

But since -"

"O, never mind!" said Jones;

"Bring on the matches, please.

Here, fellows, I've cigars enough;

Just help yourselves to these;

And since our host is out of sorts,

And disinclined to treat,

Perhaps he 'll entertain his friends

With some poetic feat.

Suppose you take this paper here, -

You 've seen it, I can swear, -

And set that little note, in verse,

To some familiar air, -

Say Yankee Doodle, if you choose."

"But, sir, I can't!" said I.

"O, none of that!" continued be.

"We 'll give you time to try."

Of course I felt in duty bound

To yield to their request;

To put my feelings quite aside,

And do my level best.

Accordingly I went to work,

And set the note in rhyme;

Then sang the awkward doggerel!

To Yankee Doodle time.

Beginning with the college year,

And with November ending;

Again, beginning March the first,

And through the year extending,

Six forty-five shall be the hour

For psychical employment,

And one P. M. shall be the time

For stomachal enjoyment.

The interval, till March the first,

Beginning with November,

You shove the morning work ahead,

And din at Two, remember.

Yankee doodle avodle doo,

Yankee doodle dandy;

Yo! shore the morning work ahead,

Yankee doodle dandy.

"That's good," said Jones. "And now perhaps

You 'll browse for us awhile.

We like to see the Freshmen browse;

They do it up in style."

"They do, indeed!" said I, amazed.

"Are Freshmen thus inclined?

I always thought the browsing knack

To quadrupeds confined."

"You see," said Jones, "that paper which

I 've pinned against the house?"

"I do," said I. "Well, prove," said he,

"That bipeds, too, can browse."

"And so you 'd have me play the goat?

That 's flattering, I declare!"

I might have told him that I felt

More like a grizzly bear.

But then, I checked my rising wrath,

And gratified them all,

By mouthing, with an awkward leap,

The paper on the wall.

"Ha, ha!" laughed Brown, "there 's skill in that;

You 've practised it, no doubt.

You do the thing as gracefully

As any bovine out.

Now one more favor, if you please,

And then we 'll call it square;

Suppose you bend yourself a bit,

And settle under there."

He pointed to the writing-desk.

Said Jones, "That 's it, my lark.

Just double under, Crimersticks,

And show us how to bark."

Said I, "I 'm ungenteel I know,

And verdant as you please;

But then some things are better green,

As cucumbers and pease.

I own I 'm poorly on 't for style,

And awkward as a mule;

But then that beast, if I 'm correct,

Is not pronounced a fool.

This line of entertainment's run,

This show is ended here.

For reasons which I shall not name,

The dog will not appear."

"O Freshy! don't get angry now!"

The friendly Marcus said.

"You 'll either bark and growl for us,

Or find yourself in bed."

With that they laid their hands on me, -

This friendly jolly four, -

And soon Jones, Bones, Brown, Smith, and self,

Lay struggling on the floor.

The guest god favored them, of course;

And with paternal care

They put me in my humble bed,

And left me shivering there,

Convicted of a little fact

Which made the spirit sore, -

That on the muscle I 'm no match

For any Harvard four.

C. A. D.

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