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The Scientific Scrapbook

Ape Nostril Discovered


Professor John Spinachseed of the Whiskey Straits Paleontological Society has just sent word of a discovery which will revolutionize the world of science more than somewhat. Burled beneath some heavy, coarse-grained Potsdam holystone beds, lie has uncovered a peculiar organ, perfectly preserved. It is a circular piece of fossilized bone with a hole in the middle which resembles a large lifesaver the kind you eat. Although his colleagues have not yet confirmed his suspicion, spinachseed is certain that the fossil is that of the left nostril of a metamorphic ape. He has already named the ape Spinachanthropus in honor of its modest discoverer.

Snorts Too

The nostril was discovered in conjunction with numerous small glass fragments which Spinachseed believes, when pieced together, will form two cocktail glasses. If this is the case, Spinachseed's discovery is authentic beyond any doubt, for never before has a left nostril been found in association with its original shorts. This is regarded as incontrovertible evidence.

The presence of such a thing as Spinachanthropus in the dim, dusty corridors of the past may necessitate entire revision of present theories concerning the descent of man from Northarctic, the naked polar bear. Instead of Northarctic, the root of all evilution may very likely be one of the progenitors of Spinachanthropus. This progenitor has not been discovered yet, but the very presence of Spinachanthropus itself indicates that he must have had a father, which in turn must have had a father and so on. Spinachseed is confident that he will not have to look too far back for this ancestral form, because Spinachanthropus's forehead would not stand much more recession.

Dither in Lather

The possibility, nay the probability, of such a progenitor has thrown the entire staff of the Geology department into utter confusion. The retreat, headed by Professor Dither, has not yet begun, but the imminent final in Geology 1 this morning promises to be the scene of a scientific polemic comparable to the Scopes trial. If Professor Dither is able to stall off the reporters, the examination will be given as if no such event as Spinachseed's discovery had transpired. The professor states that his strategy will be to pretend he has never heard of Spinachseed. He has been quoted as saying, "I never heard of Spinachseed."

Spinachseed Homely Philosopher

At all events, if Spinachseed is right, the department is going to be in a hot spot. The official report on the metamorphic ape is due sometime in July, and this year's Geology 1 class may be required to retake the course next year under the new rules.

Spinachseed says he is sorry, but "these things must be expected by scientists. Their theories must someday prove insufficient; and others, in the light of new discoveries, will take their place. Time marches on, hand in hand with knowledge."

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