Select Seniors, i.e. those with names in the telephone book, received letters in yesterday's mail offering them opportunities for jobs if they had only $15,000 of $20,00 to invest in such matchless chances as airtight cheese cloth or canned gravy.
The letter encloses a list of opportunities, and the managers aver that they will be "glad to discuss with you personally any of these opportunities, and wish to assure you that an interview puts you under no obligations whatever.
"All interviews are held in strict confidence, and are by appointment only. May we hear from you?"
Opportunities offered include the following:
"Airtight cheese cloth. Sounds peculiar, (Oh, I wouldn't say that, old man) but consider putting coffee in such a container, all the aroma is retained. Then put it in water like a tea bag, one of our greatest inventions, and the pores open up just like regular cheese cloth and you have a cup of coffee, $3,000 for promotion.
"For the gambler, Company started in 1847. Very good name; is making a small amount of money at present. Assets over $150,000 but the owner 63 years old has lent the company money and wants it back. If you can invest three or four thousand and pay him back out of incresaed profits (get that--pay him back your money) the company is yours in time. If you can't you are probably out your investment and job too. (That's logical).
"For the conservative. (Uninteresting. Only $5000.)
"A publishing firm. A really wonderful product. Editor 60 years old would like to groom successor. Stands the closest, scrutiny. Takes a lot of money but looks worth it. $25,000 to $50,000 needed. (That may be a lot of money to you, but to me--fap.")
"A canned meat gravy.
"A friend just up from Key West who's been in everything (including a striped suit) and made money too. Has construction company he is just starting with some idea of costs lower to him by 15 percent (Some pretty good idea we trust--whatever the whole thing means.)
"A fellow living in Key West (funny how that name keeps cropping up) wants to collaborate with, someone up here in canning fruit shipping unusual varietics, etc.
"Pa-Poya. Try it, you can buy it here and there (and everywhere). Something new and the distributor wants partner with money of course (Naturally).
"A patented toy.
"An electric freezer.
"An oil burner improvement.
"Now and then we run into a job without money needed, just special ability. What 's yours?
"By appointment only. (Opportunity doesn't knock by appointment only, young man.)"