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The Vagabond


The Vag was sad, awful sad, 'cause he was mighty sad and it seemed to him as though things could never be anything but sad. All the old bunch were leaving in a rush of stumbling footsteps as the new and fresh and clean and sober gang came in to take them home. "Well," he said, "I guess we won't ever be anything but sad. But gosh, I majored in the Crimson, and if I wasn't so drunk and pied I'd shed a tear for the Crimson." Arthur apparently can't write an editorial but he can do a lot of dirty work and we need a guy like that around here every year. "Jim has never learned how to be a hot jazz fan, and in consequence of this failing I am very sad for Jim," said Inchball Feather-stoneaugh.

Charlie sobbed on the Vag's shoulder, "The past rises before me like a dream. The past rises before me like a dream. The past rises before me . . . and on and on and on and on."

The other guys were plenty plastered but the Vag saw things clearly, very clearly, crystal clearly, awfully clearly, terribly clearly.

Dereck said, "The past is sad, the present is sad, but the future is mighty happy." "The future is mighty happy," said Dereck, "and that's why I'm sad tonight."

Vag looked up in despair, for strange, unformed figures were floating in the window and he couldn't look them in the eye.

Baron von Nusshaum repeated in his sleep, "Life is the saddest experience, through which I have ever gone, because tonight I am through. I am the past. I am gone with the wind."

The Vag was puzzled and he wrinkled his forehead as four more generals and a very shaggy dog named Wilber Marcus walked to his desk.

Count de Montaux said, "Gee," said Count de Montaux, "How can I ever get over it. Life is so sad. That's all." Said Count de Montaux.

Vag was worried, very worried, for he had to keep up the continuity of the story.

Pedro de Pelegrin y Hernandez was sadder than he had ever been in his whole life, even though he had had a mighty sad, and when Pedro de Pelegrin Hernandez says he is sad, he means that he is mighty sad.

Another midget and three more shaggy dogs named Ledyard Clark-sky wandered in to make things happier for all the boys.

"On the other hand," said Chung Kiang Chu. "We can't allow ourselves to be sad, because even though I feel very sad, I might even say mighty sad, at the present time, and what is time, after all?" asked Chung Kiang Blooie.

The Vag picked up his old ballet slippers, wrapped his copy carrier around his shoulders and with a heart-rending shrick of "God rest you merry Gentlemen" he wiped his striped club tie on the water closet, leaving the past to a scrap book of morons.

Reggie van Ten Eyck Schuyler was in his cups, but still that didn't stop him from sympathizing with Mr. Hans Croyen, who had just murdered his baby and consequently was very sad. This is the end, Croyen, and the reason is that I am so sad," said Reggie van Ten Eyck Roosevelt.

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