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Statistics Reveal '26's Abnormalities

By Stephen O. Saxe

Thirteen (13) percent of the Class of '26 has been in jail. This startling figure comes to light today with the publication of "Harvard 1926--The Life and Opinions of a College Class." The book is a companion-piece to the usual 25th Class Report.

Sandwiched in among questions about political affiliation and the ownership of bathrooms are several revealing facts about the Class of '26 that few people knew before. For instance, the Class boasts in its ranks one former presidential candidate, one probable embezzler, one arsonist, and one fellow responsible for "the secreting of a stink bomb in the ventilating system of the New York Stock Exchange."

Slightly less than half the Class reads the comics, and with these L'il Abner is the favorite by a "two-to-one margin over Terry and the Pirates, Dick Tracy, and Blondie." Only 5% think being a Harvard man raises them above that sort of thing.

"Harvard 1926" is chiefly the product of Cornelius DuBois '26 and Charles J.V. Murphy '26. DuBois is a public opinion expert and partner in Cornelius DuBois & Company; Murphy is a writer for Life Magazine.

What's more, according to anonymous questionnaires filled out by 734 members of the Class, no less than 5% have had V. D. An implicit tribute to modern medicine lies in the fact that less than half of 1% now have venereal disease. A few computations show that apparently more than 90% of '26 men who had V. D. have been cured.

DuBois and Murphy have found that 13% of the Class has been divorced--the percentage is based on the full Class, including 6% who never married. There is probably no connection between these men and the 13% who have been in jail at one time or another. CRIMSON statistical experts and numerologists say it's just the number 13, which everybody knows is unlucky.

A more encouraging figure reveals that almost one out of five '26 men has written a book. Just as the impartial observer is beginning to think that '26 isn't so bad after all, along comes the fact that 5% (the same number that have had V. D.) kept mistresses. How many keep them now wasn't asked on the questionnaire, or, if it was, the result wasn't published.

The 5% figure pops up again when the book reveals that part up again when the book reveals that part of the Class has had nervous breakdowns. CRIMSON statisticians are unwilling to comment on the 5% mistress, 5% nervous breakdown, 5% V. D. statistics.

"Sure, call it a 'coincidence,'" said one editor. "After all, they're reunioning today."

Coincidence it must be.

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