The Numbers Racket

Our phone book finally arrived yesterday, and we certainly are glad because it has lots and lots of girls' numbers in it. Now since Boston apparently is a big town, the Yellow Pages comprise Vol. II, which our Superintendent, the Irish Mr. Cogan, expects to have in hand in about two weeks. If Boston were a small town, it would all be in Vol. I, but we really haven't a right to complain, as there're probably enough numbers to go on with for the time being, anyhow.

What makes the latest edition, bound tastefully in a pleasing combination of gray and yellow, particularly delightful is the company's apparent concern (as expressed in the Preface) for our knowledge in how to dial. Step 1. "Look in the directory for the number [you have your choice of several]. If the information is not in the directory, dial 'Information'," (which seems logical enough). Step.2. "Lift the handset." (Yes.) Step 3. "Listen for the dial tone before dialing. This steady humming sound tells you that the dial equipment is ready for your call." (Boy! This is one hum we want to hear talk!) Step 4. "Go to heck." (This is surely a misprint, else, first steps are indeed misleading!) Then, there can be no mistake, it says: "One and two party line WOodlawn customers can dial direct to all offices in this directory." Now this is service! From the cemetery to you! At last, communication with the beyond!

In case anyone is planning practical jokes, the first number in the directory is that of a Mr. A A, who probably has the tersest handle in the Commonwealth. His phone, located at the premises, 30 Huntington Ave., is KEnmore 6-4642. The last number in the book, belonging to Mr. Carma Zzyzzway, of 18 Elba (not far from the Mediterranean Sea) is ASpnwl 7-4970. We hope they'll be hearing from you.

To celebrate the singularity of Messrs. A A and Zzyzzway, we all had a party last night, and certainly are glad that the phone book came.