To the Hills

Deep down at the bottom of its civic heart, Cambridge is truly benevolent. The city exhibits a praiseworthy concern for the spiritual well-being of the Harvard student in its plans for renewing that long lost College institution--the red-blooded, alcohol supported, riot. Of course the entire affair is being planned under the guise of a mass Civil Defense evacuation. But anyone can see through that pretense.

Why else would the city plan to assemble the 10,000 men of Harvard on the Cambridge Commons? For what other reason would they urge full student support and even get the cooperation of the Deans? Such considerate planning demands the undivided and uninhibited activity of the entire University.

Lest the well laid plans go awry, the "evacuation" planners should lend greater scope and depth to their plans. For example, a few big booming drums should be on hand, not to mention a few extra sirens and bands. Jim Cronin should be invited to open an emergency Red Cross canteen for the "evacuation." Proctors might be given batons and shiny white boots so they could lead the parade and be spotted more easily. Although blood should be avoided, we are being prepared for the real thing, so why not?

A major question is just how we go about evacuating. Perhaps a boat ride down the Charles or a rampage towards Wellesley would turn the tide. It is also quite possible that we might trample ourselves to death and thus solve the entire problem. In all, the day of the great evacuation should be just dandy.