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Niemans 22-'Crimson'21

Setting the Record Straight


Do you believe the CRIMSON?

We don't.

We ought to We're journeyman journalist, and we're old and tired and cyniical, and there's some reason to suspect we might look into the Establishment someday. But in the meantime we're journeyman beizbol players. Yersterday afternoon, in Radcliffe Quad, we took the CRIMSON 22-21. The CRIMSON says we lost 23-2. The CRIMSON is full of what the NEW YORK Times calls.

The game was played before a capacity crows of 69, "Batter up!" was delayed by the supremely self-righteous interruption of an unidentified senior resident at Elliot Hall who proclaimed Harvard's unwelcomeness at Elliot Hall who proclaimed Harvard's unwelcomeness at Radcliffe. He called the copes. The cops came. Dialogue ensued. The cops left.

The game began with a triple to right center by Joe "Honky" Strickland, who became the first of six Niemans to cross the old platter in the first stanza. Everybody hit. The CRIMSON got lucky and the inning ended.

Subsequent innings were uneventful. At the end of eight it was CRIMSON 21, Niemans 13.

The CRIMSON was hung by its own hubis in that inning. Approached graciously by a Nieman Fellow, the CRIMSON team (undoubtedly seeing a 59-13 victory in the making) cheered the idea of going until 3:25, five minutes before the Nate Pusey Show, which all felt they must see but none wanted to endure.

In the tenth, the Niemans scored eight runs, tying the old clash at 21-21.

The decisive eleventh came up, and the Niemans were ready. Paul "Papa" Houston it a pop which the CRIMSON dropped. Paul "Pro" Hemphill smacked a zinger to left. That left it up to Jon "Jugs" Yardley, who creamed a sweet pitch deep to Conigliaro country. Conigliaro being absent, the CRIMSON caught the ball after much melodrama, and then from shortstop. There was much argument with plate umpire Adam Yarmolinsky, but the CRIMSON lost.

There were many stars in the game, not the least of them the umps: Adam Yarmolinsky, Justin Kaplan and Nathan Glazer. That the game was enjoyed by Daniel Patrick Moynihan, Presidential Emissary to watch middle America at play, added greatly to the pleasure of all.

But there were many stars for the Nieman Red Sox, managed by Gisela "Zum-Zum" Bolte. John "Rugs" Zakarian caught a steaming liner while being clipped by a teammate. J. Anthony "Tony Bananas" Lukas suffered a brutal chin stab but came back after four stitches to revive his saddened teammates. Hank "Horny" Bradsher drew two crucial walks and made it to first base each time.

Strickland plattered one and thirded another, cheering is teammates. Houston scored the winning run and prevaricated to Ump Yarmo in the process. Yoshihiko "Banzai!" Muramatsu saved his manhood by spearing a lively line drive. Dick "Pinko" Longworth reminded aged viewers of body Doerr with his second-base gymnastics.

Bob "The Hingham Hash" Levy zinged and zanged expertly about the initial hassock. "Marvelous Marv" Allison contributed sandals, a beard and two clean hits. George "Marathoner" Amick so scared the CRIMSON that only one rightie pulled a Nieman slow pitch all afternoon. And Yardley slapped a triple to ornament his game-winning bingle.

But the great Nieman star was Gordon "Ringer" Taylor assistance professor of English, who homered early and ignited the Nieman spark with his derring-do as he slid on his brow across the old platter.

It was a great game. The Niemans won it. Don't you goddamn well forget it. Linescore:  R  H  E Niemans  22  42  2 Crimson  21  37  23

Allison, Muramatsu (3), Strickland (6), Houston (8), Levy (9), Houston (10) and Yardley, Strickland (2); Ittelson, Southwick, (6), Ittelson (10) and Glassman. U-Yarmolinsky, Kaplan, Glazer. A-69 (Unpaid). T-Interminable.

Allison, Muramatsu (3), Strickland (6), Houston (8), Levy (9), Houston (10) and Yardley, Strickland (2); Ittelson, Southwick, (6), Ittelson (10) and Glassman. U-Yarmolinsky, Kaplan, Glazer. A-69 (Unpaid). T-Interminable.

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