Mr. Michael K. Savit
Sports Editor Emeritus
10 Harding St.
New Bedford, Mass. 02740
Hey, you ol' stinker, how's it goin'? I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to write earlier, but you know how it is senior year, what with EXTRAs to write and toga parties and all.
But lemme tell ya, Mike, this senior year business isn't all it's cranked up to be. I got into Bio 106 all right, just like you told me to, but Boats and Gas Stations gave me schedule conflicts.
Then I wrote this column that said Harvard was going to much on the Columbia Lions like so many fried shrimp on the first leg of an Ivy title march, or else I'd eat my byline. Well, you can see by the looks of things at the top of this piece that it's not just turkey tetrazzini I've been snacking on these days.
But worst of all, Mike, I went 1-and-3 in the first week of the Sports Cube Predix. I know how you always used to tell me that the first week's predictions are basically like hourlies--they don't count in the long run--but this is humiliating. I mean, I can't even show my face in Astro 8 anymore.
And even if I take my percentage minus Harvard games, I'm still 1-and-2, which is to say a .333 percentage, which is to say I'd be about 12 games behind the Toronto Blue Jays if I were in the AL East.
I asked my brother-in-law the doctor what he thought was wrong with me, Mike, and he told me he thought I was crazy. I told him I wanted a second opinion, and he told me I was ugly--and this was my own brother-in-law, Mike.
So I have a couple of favors to ask you, Savo, and I'm prepared to pay big bucks. First of all, I want your secret formula for predicting Ivy League football games. It looks like I won't be able to graduate summa cum laude as a predicter, as you did, but it would be nice to get a magna. Hell, at this point I'd take CLGS.
Second, I'd like to get your permission to abandon your First Rule of Predicting: "Remember to whom you pay your tuition." UMass just looks too tough right now.
And third of all, do you remember God's address from that letter you wrote Him last year. Another predicting week like last one, and I'll need all the help I can get.
See you around the campus, sport. Sincerely, John
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