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Why Ask Why

Bud Lite's Bud Dry

By Michael Stankiewicz

There's something about a dry beer--any dry beer--that cries out of mystery.

Budweiser will be trying for the magic three-peat when it faces off against Bud Lite in Sunday's bud Bowl III. Some people think Bud Lite has no chance. Backers of the Litesters are asked, "Why do you think they can win?" Lite rookie QB Bud Dry asks...

"Why make a dry beer?"

"Why drink a dry beer?"

"What is a dry beer, anyway?"

But there's no mystery to Bud Dry, the Starting quarterback for Bud Lite in Sunday's Bud Bowl III.

"Why ask why?" Dry asks.

And true to word, Dry lives life without any questioning of the whys in this world. "Just do it" would be the more appropriate cliche to describe this headstrong character.

And "just do it" is what Bud Lite is asking this rookie quarterback to do Sunday in its attempt to foil Budweiser's dreams of a three-peat as Bud Bowl champion.

"There's not much pressure," Dry bubbles. "I bet my teammates are feeling a bit snake-bitten, to get so far and come up short against these guys two years in a row. Does that matter? I'm not sure. We're a young team. We're thirsty. Some of our guys are just out of the breweries. Does that matter? I'm not sure.

"I'd think inexperience will be a much bigger factor in the game," Dry adds. "But hopefully we can catch them off guard with a little freelancing." Freelancing?

"Well, not exactly freelancing. But, well...yeah, freelancing. What about it?"

Never mind.

In 1991, the year of the "threepeat," defending champions are O-for-1 following the NFL's San Francisco 49ers' 15-13 loss to the New York Giants last Sunday. Now, it's up to the Detroit Pistons, the Princeton men's basketball team and Budweiser to break the jinx.

Dry is betting on the Tigers to cop the first three-peat, at least based on the atmosphere around the Bud Lite refrigerator the last couple of weeks.

"If there is any pressure, it's sure not manifesting itself in any kind of destructive way," Dry says. "I mean, that video [the Bud Bowl Boogie] was something special, really spontanteous."

From his first day with Lite, Dry has been accepted as the offensive team leader. After the rookie's first practice, a group of veterans rigged up a video camera in the fridge and surrounded Dry. The squad burst into song and dance. The Bud Bowl Boogie was born. So too, Bud Lite fans hope, was a star.

"I started crying after we finished that video," dry says. "I mean, my pop top was rusting and all."

"I'd usually be really nervous about playing a rookie in such a big game," But Lite Coach Less Filling says. "Conventional wisdom would be to start the veteran and bring the rookie in later if things aren't going well, but the kid is something special. He knows the game of football. His teammates have adopted him immediately. It wouldn't be right not to give him the whole game to make something happen."

"Huh?" Dry concurs.

Bo Asks Why

The biggest question that faced Bud Dry was whether to play baseball or football. His credentials for the diamond were impressive--the best power hitter to come out of the college ranks since Dave Kingman and a power pitcher with a 1.01 ERA last season. But Dry ultimately decided--at least for now--on Bud Lite and football pads.

"Why ask why?" Dry responds to the inevitable question about his decision. "I play football. I've always played football. Why not?"

"He would fit in great with Darryl on the Dodgers," Los Angeles manger Tommy Lasorda says. "His head ain't screwed on too tight."

"Huh?" Dry agrees.

Dry's response reeks of about his decision--it seems as though he would be lofting long drives over center field fences instead of lofting 75-yard TD passes if it were baseball season when he had to make the decision. But he is quick to sidestep any questions about whether he will join fellow football star and cross trainer Bo Jackson in training camp next month.

"There's no such thing as a `hobby' in my would," dry says. "You have to commit to one thing, and I'd be letting my teammates down if I said I was looking forward to prancing off to training camp in a couple of weeks when we have the biggest game of our lives Sunday."

But biggest game doesn't mean a perfect game, according to Dry. This age of commercialization of sports is spoiling the games he grew to love in his childhood, Dry says.

"I mean, give me a break. Helmetcam? What Kind of garbage is this," Dry asks. "How the hell are we supposed to play a game of football when some of us have this stinking camera on our heads? I guess we just do it, eh?"

Dry registers his complaints about Bud Bowl III's innovation despite the advantage Helmetcam will bring for his team. With Dry's ability to look away from his primary receivers before turning back and firing bullet passes, the Helmetcam should hinder only Bud and its lock-on-my-target-and-never-look-away QB.

But Helmetcam or no, it will be Dry taking the snaps for Bud Lite on its first drive Sunday. And the questions will follow him around wherever he goes.

Why start a rookie at quarterback in the championship game?

Why did he choose football when he is a much better baseball player?

Why is such symbol of the commercialization of sports so opposed to the increasing role of money and publicity gimmickry in his industry?

Why ask why?

Just do it.

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