As Always, Yale Sucks

We don't often get involved in the internal matters of other schools. We don't often have something nice to say about Geroge Bush. But today the two things just seem to go together.

Yale needs a president. Bush needs a job. It's a perfect match.

Bush has had 12 years of experience in running this country into the ground. Just think what he could do for Yale. It doesn't have nearly as far to fall.

Becoming president of Yale could have a lot of advantages for Bush. For instance, he could keep the mantle of The Education President. Even though at Yale, he would probably have as much success as he had with the entire country.

He would also be closer to Kennebunkport. He won't have Air Force One to fly him there every weekend for golfing and fishing, so he will be interested in saving on transportation costs.

And it will be easy to feed all those grandchildren (even the "little brown ones," as he has been known to call them) in the Yale dining halls. He can constantly be the big-spending Gampy and buy ice cream every afternoon.

Yale could also benefit greatly from Bush's leadership, although it still wouldn't change U.S. News and World Report's mind. The deposed leader of the free world could do wonders for the school's prestige, or what's left of it.

No stranger to fundraising, Bush could raise millions for Yale and solve a lot of the budgetary problems that marked Benno C. Schmidt's tenure in New Haven. Maybe Bush could convince HUD Secretary Jack F. Kemp to stay on as a Yale housing maven. He could be the chief superintendent of the dormitories while he waits for 1996. His enterprise zones might do wonders for that garden spot known as New Haven.

And, of course, there would always be a place for poor Dan Quayle in the Yale hierarchy. Wouldn't he be the perfect candidate to douse himself in blue paint and lead the Saybrook strip?

Whether or not Yale wins The Game today, they deserve President Bush.