WEDNESDAY MAR 17

Only Ireland can celebrate Maewyn Succat, a.k.a. St. Patty, better than Boston. And besides just being gross, kissing John Harvard's toe doesn't quite carry the cache of kissing the Blarney Stone. Luckily (no pun intended), computer technology can help: start your St. Patrick's Day observance by exploring a next-best computer simulated Blarney-smooching experience at the Top O' the Morning Web site in the St. Patrick's Day Webring. It's hygenic and may bring good luck! http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Fields/2142/ StPat.html. FREE.

Take advantage of nascent spring: head into the city early for a talk on Irish history and a walk around the Boston Common and Public Garden. The mobile discussion group is called "Emerald Isle to Emerald Necklace" and meets at the Boston Common Visitor Information Center at 10 a.m.

You'll need a Massachusetts license to get a beer (and not even a green one!) when the Boston Celtics take on the L.A. Clippers tonight. FleetCenter. 931-2222 for tickets. 7 p.m. $10+.

Hibernia puts on a true St. Paddy's extravaganza, green Martinis and all. The club will give away a prize trip to Ireland as well as hold a contest to select "Boston's Most Beautiful Red-Head" at 8 p.m. Live traditional Irish music and dance tunes with DJ Mark keep the festivities swinging. Hibernia, 25 Kingston St. Boston. 292-3309. 9 p.m. to 2 a.m.

Davis Square is cool to begin with, but on St. Patrick's Day, The Burren is undeniably the coolest place of all. Besides offering the greatest Irish accents this side of the pond, the waitstaff's riot. Enjoy great food and traditional live Irish music here tonight. The Burren, 247 Elm St., Somerville. 777-6896. Until 1 a.m.

Still feel like sticking in the Square? Tradition debuts at the House of Blues for a green extravaganza. The Irish quartet boasts the talent of Sheila Falls, three-time Fiddle North American Fiddle Champion. House of Blues, Harvard Square. 497-2229. Until 1 a.m. $10 includes privileges to an Irish buffet.

If green beer turns your stomach, stop by Club Passim for an alcohol-free folk show. "Songwriters in the Square" features the croonsters Edie Carey, Ben Demerath and Joe Panzetta. Club Passim, 47 Palmer St. 492-5300. 8 p.m. $10.