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SCREENSHOTS: "Live Free Or Die Hard"

When “Die Hard” debuted in 1988, Bruce Willis established himself as one of Hollywood’s best ass-kicking actors through his portrayal of John McClane, the badass New York police officer who got everyone saying “yippi-kay-ay!” With the solid “Die Hard 2,” the series looked unstoppable, at least until the lackluster “Die Hard with a Vengeance” came out. Over a decade later, the film’s makers finally found the nerve to produce a fourth film, hoping that fans would have forgiven, if not forgotten, the lousy third installment. Unfortunately, “Live Free or Die Hard” falls far short of its potential, so it’s best to crack open a bottle of alcohol to numb the pain of witnessing yet another pointless and over-financed action sequel.

TAKE A SHOT...

1. Start with a shot when McClane kills the first bad guy, celebrating the fact that even though he’s over 50, this NYPD still kicks ass.

2. Take a few random shots early to numb your mind to the movie’s ridiculous non-stop action. No matter how much money the studio poured into explosions, high-speed car chases, and helicopter scenes, the action falls short of the great cat-and-mouse sequences of the first movie.

3. Take a shot for every 10 stuntmen that were used in the film. Make sure you have a high tolerance; you’ll need to down over 11 shots!

4. Take a shot when you realize that the wimpy Justin Long (star of Apple computer commercials) is the dorkiest side-kick Bruce Willis could ever have. Take another shot when his character asks McClane, “Have you ever killed a person before?” Didn’t he see the other “Die Hard” movies?

5. Every time there’s a car crash, take a shot. Just kidding—we don’t want you to go to UHS after 45 minutes.

6. Take a shot when McClane breaks the first rule of fighting and hits a girl. Take another shot for phallic symbolism everywhere when he tells her evil boyfriend that he took his truck and “rammed it up her ass.”

7. Take a shot every time McClane should be killed, but somehow manages to survive. Of course, if you feel really adventurous, take a shot for all the times McClane could have died in the entire series. If you survive, consider yourself tough enough to be in the next “Die Hard” film.

8. Finish with a big celebratory shot when McClane saves the day once again, this time by shooting himself through the shoulder while saying his signature “yippi-kay-ay!” It’s one of the few moments in the movie that truly does McClane justice.
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