Top Five Reasons to Audition For Beauty And The Geek

You’ve seen the signs all over Harvard Square—“Beauty and the Geek,” Ashton Kutcher’s “ultimate social experiment,” is back for another season. Beyond the obvious draw of joining a distinguished legacy of Cantabrigian contestants, here are five more reasons to try out for the show.

1. Your talents and hobbies will finally be appreciated.

Can you solve a Rubik’s Cube blindfolded, like Season 2’s Tyson? Are you vice-president of your local Dukes of Hazzard fanclub, like Bill from Season 1? If these aren’t your areas of expertise, never fear. You may discover talents you never knew you had, like Will from Season 4, who won the autobiographical rap challenge judged by Three 6 Mafia.

2. You will shed light on your life’s work, including your embarrassing acting credits.

Season 4’s “big twist” was the addition of a female geek/male beauty team. Oh, the possibilities! Things only improved when I realized that creepy “hunk” Sam played linebacker villain Spike Hammersmith in 1994’s “Little Giants.” Thereafter, whenever Sam started to grate on my nerves, I just envisioned Spike carrying a refrigerator on his back, threatening Becky “Icebox” O’ Shea, and talking about himself in the third person (“Spike don’t play with girls”). Worked like a dream.

3. You could kickstart a prolific career in television.

One of my all-time favorite characters was Playboy model Megan from Season 3. She wore a bikini indoors and owned a mentally retarded Chihuahua. After winning Season 3 alongside partner Alan D. “Scooter” Zackheim ’06, she went on to compete in Vh1’s “Rock of Love,” “I Love Money,” and “Rock of Love: Charm School,” propelling my rate of brain cell loss to unprecedented levels.

4. You will become smarter.

In elimination rounds, contestants are quizzed on their knowledge of everything from geography (for the beauties) to pop music (for the geeks). These are often hilariously worded (Ex. “His song ‘In Da Club’ is a hit at the club”) and sometimes strangely difficult (I’ll admit: I had no idea what OPEC stood for. I hope this makes me a beauty).

5. You will develop a dedicated following of female viewers, primarily consisting of my roommate and myself.

Roommate has spotted Season 4 winner Dave three times by Thayer! Also, I may or may not have asked Season 4’s John for a picture while he was on a date at a pizza parlor. Sorry, John. How’d things work out with that girl?

—Jessica R. Henderson is the incoming Film Editor. She concentrates in English with a secondary in reality television.