As the last leaves fall from the trees lining Plympton Street, here at the Crimson we are starting to look back over our year. Yet even as we bask in the warm glow of our innumerable victories, we must also recall our rare moments of indulgence. As we charged courageously into unchartered tabloid territories; as we fought the rising beast of competitors’ committee reviews; as we rallied troops to circulate in the darkest of hours, we also made some objectively obnoxious puns. Here are the ten most groan-worthy specimens from the past twelve months.
10. “‘Solar’ Powered by Accidents” — Books, February 23
This one should be pretty self-explanatory. Then again, perhaps not; one commenter found a rather different message in the piece. “Such a nice article and it is too informative for all blogger because ‘Solar Power’ is too useful for people but why not people use this?” a certain “Catherine Russell” wrote.
9. “Jury Rules Against ‘Conviction’” — Movies, October 19
For a review of a film about the Innocence Project, this one was far too easy. What’s more, let’s admit it—the day an accused faces a jury composed entirely of Crimson Arts board members is the day the federal justice system collapses.
8. “BSO Plays Third and Fourth, Comes Out First” — Campus Arts, February 23
The Bach Society Orchestra—or was it the Boston Symphony Orchestra?—played things by Beethoven that are numbered. And apparently they were then graced with a First Something or Other by the Crimson Arts board.
7. “Proletariart” — Cover, April 6
It’s mildly unacceptable that I got away with slapping a pseudo-word on a broadsheet cover story. Jeff and Ryan must not have been looking.
6. “‘Hornet’s Nest’ Is Best Left Undisturbed” — Movies, November 2
I actually don’t have anything negative to say about this one. It’s pretty good. Carry on, then!
5. “Not Much to Feel with ‘Hands All Over’” — Music, September 28
Apparently Maroon 5’s latest album was not too ‘hot’. Some might say it wasn’t their most ‘satisfying’ work. I heard it ‘leaves something to be desired’. Basically, it ‘sucks’—or does it?
4. “‘Four Lions’ Mines Humor from Terrorism” — Movies, November 9
A little subtler, yes, but all the more offensive once it dawns on you.
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