Free Condoms at Sex Week
Remember when your mom awkwardly slipped condoms into your suitcase two months ago? Well Mom, meet Sex Week.

Sex Week, one of the best weeks at Harvard, is upon us. With events like “Hit Me Baby One More Time: BDSM in the Dorm Room” and “Talk Dirty to Me: A Dirty Talk How-To,” how could this not promise to be one of the most exciting weeks of the year? And for all of the lucky first-years, there’s an added bonus – you get to bring the fam along! That’s right, with Sex Week running until November 4th and Family Weekend occurring on November 2nd and 3rd, the whole gang will be in town just in time to catch all the exciting action (and giveaways!). Since the first event on Sunday, you can't get Sex Week off your mind, but your parents' flights are rolling in this afternoon. Now’s the time to decide: do you try to find the best way to avoid your parents for the weekend? Or do you figure out how to convince them to come? Lucky for you, we’ve figured out some of the best strategies for both.

The “I Have to Study” Ditch

At this point, your parents are probably still assuming that you spend your Fridays and Saturdays studying, not on the Quad shuttle. Ride off this assumption by playing up how you have so much work and just have to spend the rest of the day in Lamont. They won’t suspect a thing when you’re instead learning about “Sexual Fetishes A-Z” tonight – as long as you make sure you don’t run into them on their tour around the yard.

The Strategically Timed Attendance

Did you “just happen” to notice that “Harvard Today and Words of Wisdom for Families” and “Like a Virgin: Exploring the Concept of Virginity” line up at almost exactly the same time? Make your job nice and easy by simply slipping out of this program (attended by the man Larry Bacow himself) and instead hopping on over to Sever 102 for a much more transformative learning experience.

The Educational Perspective

Now that you’re (apparently) a true Harvard intellectual, simply approach your parents with the educational benefit of attending these seminars. How could they resist a well-made argument about how Sexpardy is an amazing opportunity to test your knowledge in front of other students and parents? Hint: this angle will work especially well if your parents are just as into flexing as most of the students here.

The Trick Shot

If you’re really determined to get the fam to Sex Week and don’t mind a little manipulating to do so, just tell them there’s a very important lecture that they just have to go to. Sure, they’ll be a bit surprised when the “lecture” ends up being Sex Toys 101, but at that point it’ll be too late for them to ditch out. In the end, maybe they’ll even enjoy the chance to really get to know the ~true campus culture~.

Whichever technique you decide to use, be sure to take advantage of all the fun and education (and have we mentioned giveaways?) that Sex Week has to offer. And even if your parents, siblings, uncles, weird cousins, etc. don’t decide to come along, enjoy your time with them too. After all, this will probably be your first time in months actually experiencing some sort of actual adult supervision, so you might as well embrace it.