Too Many Emails
Welcome to the start of a new school year! Whether you are a freshman just becoming acquainted with all of the facets of campus life, a sophomore adjusting to your new house community, or an old and wise upperclassman, we can bet that one aspect of school you forgot about (or purposefully blocked out) was school mailing lists. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the volume of communication flooding your inbox and wondering where you fit in amongst the messages, we have the answer.

1. How much time do you spend in the dining hall?

a. Exactly as much time as it takes to consume my food and clean up. With a schedule as full as mine, I don’t have time to sit around and chat (happy recruitment season!).

b. Either five minutes or two hours — it totally depends on whether I’m running off to rehearsal or hunkering down at a table.

c. However long it takes to have a five minute conversation with every person in the dining hall.

d. I go to my dining hall once a day to pick up food, but I eat in my room.

2. How many classes are you taking this semester?

a. Six. I’m actually on my way to a meeting with my academic advisor right now to see if I can add a seventh.

b. Only three, actually. I’m serving as president of a few different organizations, so I thought I would take time to focus on those this semester.

c. Four, and I spend the rest of my time lounging in my house’s common space.

d. Five, but I might drop one if the professor doesn’t get their act together. I know I deserved at least an A- on that paper.

3. What time do you go to bed every night?

a. I don’t sleep.

b. Like 3 a.m.? Really depends how late practice goes.

c. 11 p.m. at the latest!

d. I’m in my bed by 9 p.m., but I usually stay up until 1 or 2 writing bad Yelp reviews for restaurants in the square.

Mostly A’s: Weirdly specific buying/selling ads

You are always on the grind, and you couldn’t possibly squeeze out 15 minutes to stop at the nearest CVS or Target to pick up the mini carpet that you absolutely need but for which you are under no circumstances willing to pay more than $10. All we can say is good luck with your endeavors.

Mostly B’s: Pubbing email sent out by 5 people in within one minute

More than anything, you love what you do when you’re not in class, and so do your blockmates who comped with you freshman year — that’s actually how you met them! But maybe, in the heat of the moment, you get a little hasty with the email sending. As far as you are concerned, there’s nothing wrong with spreading some love and sharing your passions — you trust that your community will support your work and maybe even join.

Mostly C’s: Wholesome community building emails

Can you say intramurals? You L-O-V-E where you live, and there’s nothing like a little study break/stein/sports game to help everyone see what you already see in your house or dorm. Plus, you really need at least three more players to compete in the game this weekend, so you’re hoping for some responses.

Mostly D’s: Passive-aggressive call outs

Look, you’re not saying someone took your detergent, and it’s totally possible that the cooking spray you left in the community kitchen grew legs and walked away last night. But on the off chance that someone took your stuff, it’s important that everyone in your house knows you are absolutely not someone to be trifled with, unless they want very targeted emails in their inbox, too.