New Course Names Post-COVID-19

By Brandon J. Dixon

It’s safe to say that COVID-19 has changed our lives completely — and will probably continue to do so. While we can’t exactly predict what the future holds, we can try to predict Harvard’s course catalog! As Harvard boasts courses as “the kind students will never forget,” these fake future courses are bound to be engaging — or at least give students in 2080 an intense intro to quarantine.

GOV 420: The History of the Corona-Revolution, Or How Coronavirus Caused the Worldwide Takeover of Communism

The economy is crashing, the CDC is failing, Tiktok has replaced all human engagement, and my best friend just gave herself bangs. What better time to topple the bourgeoisie than this time of pure chaos? In this course, learn how COVID-19 facilitated Karl Marx’s dream of an all-communist world and implement your own proletariat revolution from the comfort of your dorm.

Life Sciences 3: An Integrated Introduction to Viral Pandemics: A Closer Look at COVID-19

For those of you who weren’t satisfied by LS1a and LS1b, take this class to learn more about COVID-19 through the ~integrated~ lens of biochemistry.

Math 22c: Vector Analysis and Linear Algebra: Using Matrices to Model Just How Much Bread was Baked During Quarantine

We’ve all been churning out pastries and sourdough loaves, but this class will give you the insider info about exactly how much homemade bread was made in the U.S. — all through the lens of linear algebra and vectors, of course.

HIST 2020: Intro to Harvard History: A Day In the Life of a COVID-19 Student

It’s 2080 and students can now take a half-semester long course where you reenact quarantine. All students enrolled will be forced into self-quarantine halfway through the semester and complete the rest of their courses online for a truly immersive academic experience. This course will be lotteried, enrollment limited to 19.

AFVS 2019: It’s Corona Time: The History of the COVID-19 Memes and the Rise of Tik Tok

2019 and 2020 will forever be remembered in history as the years of the COVID memes and the global takeover of Tiktok. In this course, students can make their own antique TikTok, inspired by Charli D’Amelio, and curated meme portfolio while analyzing history through the lens of Twitter.

Even though students in 2080 won’t have lived through this pandemic, they’ll get to learn about it in the future. And if these exact classes aren’t offered, Harvard will definitely have some good ones — and, hopefully, memes will still be involved.

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