Dear Harvard College A.B. recipients,

There is an epidemic among us. No, not mono from “deep kissing” (s/o GenEd 1079), the flu, or seasonal depression due to the numerous sick, gray days here in Cambridge. </3

It is people who DoorDash. Every. Damn. Thing.

First up on my list of suspects are you lucky athletes with scooters. Why, oh why, are we DoorDashing food from Felipe’s and Jefe’s when your multi-hundred-dollar vehicles of death can get you to the Square faster than Todd in a Honda Civic can? I get that you may be sore from that brutal 7 a.m. practice of yours, but c’mon, why are we paying a $10 delivery fee for a $12 burrito?

Unlike us inferior second-class citizens who don’t have the privilege of owning a scooter, you all can grab food and be back in the comfort of your dorm in under two minutes while the rest of us sadly take eight. Embrace your aura, guys. That scooter is not just meant to take you to practices across the river. It’s the chariot that awaits your late-night adventures. It’s time to say no to unnecessary DoorDash journeys. Don’t make other drivers risk their lives on treacherous roads (iykyk).

But other than athletes, I must admit there’s a general DoorDashing epidemic among our student body. It seems like everyone has collectively forgotten the joy of simply picking up takeout or eating it in the store. Say, for instance, our beloved Taco Bell. I understand that the nearest location is a tad bit far—you have to head to either Coolidge Corner in Brookline or the one near Boston University—but it is so worth the trek. Is there anything as fun as a late-night Taco Bell run? Highkey, no.

Let’s bring back walking places, guys. Take a break from your work with friends! Endlessly yap on the Green Line while it breaks down for the hundredth time! Pick up your hot and fresh grilled cheese burrito, nacho fries, and Baja Blast. Savor it, baby.

Look, maybe our reliance on DoorDash comes from losing our whimsy. Nowadays, we just live, breathe, and sleep Lamont, Widener, and Cabot, gaining new wrinkles every day. Our days of spontaneously grabbing boba or Berryline are in the rearview mirror. But maybe, just maybe, ordering food in person with our best friends again will bring back our joy and whimsy. I really hope that’s the case.

Floveee,

Your #1 Downtown Crossing Golden Raising Cane’s Enthusiast