You know, even with capstone projects, final essays, presentations, mid-term/final exams, and an obscene amount of reading homework – everything is so great. Everything is wonderful, actually. Peachy, one might say. Sublime, even. And why is that? Because summer is around the corner! The weather has finally come to its senses, and 4:30 p.m. darkness is finally a thing of the past. It’s officially the season of short dresses and mandatory outside time – what’s not to love?

However, while summer is right around the corner, we still actually have to make it there. Hold all celebrations, because if there is one thing that isn’t so great, it’s finding storage. From dodging sketchy websites or selling your firstborn child just to store a few items, finding a place to store all your stuff is a cumbersome task… if you only think about conventional ways.

Who says your only options are a storage unit or shipping all your stuff home for the summer? Oh no, not here. To make the thought of packing your whole semester away a little easier, here are a few alternatives for summer storage.

1. Befriend a Boston Native

For the non-crafty amongst you, this might be your best bet. It’s time for you to do some major sucking-up for the next few weeks in order to convince your friend to let you take over their living space with your stuff for the next 3-4 months. If you have remaining board plus, use it on them. If you find an empty washing machine, give it to them. If they need help moving, congratulations, you’re officially a professional mover... Because really — what’s worse, losing your dignity or losing money?

2. Strategically scatter your stuff around Harvard

You have to be smart with this one. If you put all your items behind Annenburg, sooner or later, a tourist is going to find it. You need to separate your items, like their Infinity Stones. Or the Horcruxes. Hide your Acne Studios scarf in the Lowell belltower while tucking your North Face puffer in the corner of Cabot library. Secretly stash your pillows behind the John Harvard Statue, but place your comforter somewhere near IT support in the Science Center. The farther away from each other, the better.

3. Have a water burial in Charles River

Gently place your belongings in the middle of the canoe, give it two oars in case of difficult waters, pack a sandwich, and kiss your stuff on the head before sending it afloat in the Charles River. Pray you see it again next semester.

4. Create a tech start-up

Hear me out. Get backing from a venture capitalist, start building an office in San Francisco, and ship all of your items to the West Coast. Don’t worry, you’ll be able to send everything back once the b2b saas icp gtm startup you built gets acquired.

5. Entrust your belongings to a turkey

You may have to engage in some serious negotiations with the turkey to get them to consider your proposal, but I’ve heard that they can be persuaded. Will your items be returned to you in worse condition than when you dropped them off? Undoubtedly, yes, they will pick your boxes to death. However, will your items be heavily guarded from outside forces? Nobody messes with the turkeys. A small price to pay for elite security.

6. Create a biohazard.

This is a last-ditch effort, but if you truly cannot find anywhere else to store your stuff, it’s time to get drastic. Create a mess in your dorm so horrid that it is considered inhumane/inhospitable for human life. Your dorm will get sealed, and better yet, no one will come within a 100-foot radius. So you know it will be safe. Sure, whatever is growing in your dorm may or may not cause the next global health crisis, but hey, now you don’t have to move at all!

And they said finding storage is hard! Rest easy knowing your stuff will definitely (possibly) still be here when you get back. Now go out there and enjoy the sun while we still have it! If you don’t mind me, I have to run to my meeting with a disgruntled turkey.