Harvard has been hosting some big names lately. Spain's Prime Minister stopped by yesterday, and Sierra Leone's President arrives next week. These are people who run literal countries and have crossed oceans to be here. But what do they get? A quick lap around Harvard Yard, a pat on the back in University Hall, and a panel at the IOP. If they’re lucky, they’ll get a photo op with John Harvard (but hopefully won’t touch his foot).

Frankly, we’re disappointed. Our esteemed guests are leaving campus without seeing the real Harvard. They deserve far better after traveling around the world and presumably navigating Boston traffic to be here. So we’ve designed our own itinerary, which we hope the administration will consider implementing. Heads of state, clear your calendars and bring a pair of good walking shoes!

1. Mather Courtyard

Every great tour needs a showstopper opener, and nothing says “welcome” like the lovely concrete that is Mather House. Mather Tower is one of the finest examples of Brutalist architecture in the country, and is a good. Guests who have spent their entire careers building state institutions will appreciate a building that looks like one. If they ask why it looks like this, we can tell them that Mather was designed to be riot-proof. They’ll nod knowingly

2. The SOCH

No Harvard experience is complete without walking from the Yard to the SOCH for a mandatory training that could have been an email. The route takes our guests through the natural beauty of Cambridge Common, making it a scenic walk worth taking! Bonus points if they can visit in February, in the middle of winter.

3. Cabot Science Library

Cabot is technically a library, but you wouldn’t be able to tell. Students arrive to “collaborate” at the tables, but they end up chatting for most of the night, psets left to the wayside. Still, the sheer amount of cooperation and communication on display should inspire any visiting politician to go home, reach across the aisle, and champion bipartisanship.

4. Lamont Third Floor

This is where miracles are known to happen at Harvard. Imagine this: it’s 11:58 p.m., and your psets are due at midnight. Someone three tables over is finishing slides for their consulting club, while someone else is fast asleep on their laptop. Watching students work in Lamont is truly moving. It’s just like the pressure of an urgent legislative session.

5. 14 Plympton Street - The Crimson

Last but certainly not least: the home of Flyby! No diplomatic visit is complete without it. Plus, we always have snacks from TJ’s and bagels to share.

The itinerary is set, and the tour guides (us) are always available. To the president, we’ll see you soon!