"D. Sharp, Senior, respectfully petitions to be excused for his absence from recitations from Monday to Saturday inclusive, as he was suffering from an aggravated attack of cerebro-spinal meningitis, combined with severe swollen tonsilitis and a 'cataracticus cum auge.'" Granted. Of course it was. I cannot see how any one could resist the appeal of such an accumulation of diseases.
"H. Batter, Junior, respectfully petitions to be excused from morning prayers, as, on account of neuralgic headache, be cannot retire before one A. M., and early rising causes a swimming sensation in the head, followed by nausea." Granted. The poor fellow has my sympathy.
"Washington Truthful, Sophomore, respectfully petitions to be excused for his absences from recitations on Monday, as he was taking care of a sick chum." Not granted. Plainly such a falsehood could not be allowed.
"Freddy Milksop, Freshman, wants to know if you won't please excuse his absence this morning from Divine worship, as it was raining very, very hard, and he had left his rubbers home." Granted. poor little fellow! I wonder how such a fragile plant got through his Freshman year? Did the cruel Sophomores haze him? Did he have to furnish beer to them? Did he come to an untimely end, or did the college life make a man of him?