THE SARCASM OF DESTINY.*

MISS ARABELLA CARTER lived in Boston, and her face

Was often seen in circles where Plutus holds a place.

Her father, though uncultured, could manipulate a sale,

And her two big ugly brothers had been early sent to Yale.

But 't is not of her brothers that this little tale is told,

It's all about the when and how her dear papa was sold,

And teaches a sad warning some may follow if they please,

That it's hard to tell a "college man" by manners or by ease.

Now Carter had queer sentiments concerning man and wife,

Considering he'd never been to college in his life,

For he maintained his daughter should never married be

To any nice young gentleman unless he were A. B.

You see the aged Carter had been badly snubbed before

For his absence of good manners and his lack of classic lore,

He saw the social eminence the graduate attains,

And vowed his only daughter should wed a man of brains.

The charming Arabella was disgusted with the plan,

She felt no sort of weakness for the "well-bred college man,"

And secretly determined, should a drummer take her eye,

To wed the gallant "business man" and her papa defy.

The downy "men of business" made Miss Arabella glad

By oft-repeated visits, but they made her father mad,

And when hints and mild suggestions had no force upon the foe

He'd throw down stairs his overshoes to intimate a "go."

One night on Arabella a young man had come to call,

And her father ('t was his manner) made him feel intensely small,

By examining his knowledge of a "fizzle" and a "rush,"

And questioning the difference 'twixt a "sequence" and a "flush."

"What! Never studied Ethics? and have you never viewed

The aesthetic points in Fine Arts?" the inquisitor pursued.

"Can you tell what kind of tales Aristophanes used to write?"

'Your pronunciation's faulty, Aristophanes is right."

Disgusted, Father Carter went up stairs, but not to rest;

He slammed the doors and shutters till the servants were distressed;

At last the verdant caller took his hat and said good night;

Then Bella sought her father with anxiety and fright.

'Pray who's that stupid tradesman who insulted me below?

I asked him all the questions a college man should know,

And then the ignoramus, with impertinence immense,

Corrected my expression with an utter lack of sense."

"The innocent young fellow whom you frightened like a bear,"

Said Arabella Carter as she pacified her pere,

"That pleasant country caller who you thought would never stir,

Was after all a graduate - of Bowdoin College, sir.

"They say he's very 'rocky,' and has real estate and shares;

His aunt has 'rafts' of money, and she has no other heirs - "

"Aha, my dearest daughter," said old Carter, full of glee,

"We'll conciliate his feelings and invite him here to tea."

That graduate has vanished, and the callers are all gone;

Both misanthropic Seniors and "business men" now shun

The abode of Mr. Carter, who nurses his despair

With thoughts of the wrong treatment he adopted for that heir.

No college men, with their degrees, now seek the fair one's door;

The "muffs," who came to see her once, now visit her no more,

For legends of that Bowdoin man have travelled near and far,

And turned men's love for Bella to a dread of her papa.

D.

* The author pleads guilty of plagiarism only so far as the title is concerned.