News

Pro-Palestine Encampment Represents First Major Test for Harvard President Alan Garber

News

Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu Condemns Antisemitism at U.S. Colleges Amid Encampment at Harvard

News

‘A Joke’: Nikole Hannah-Jones Says Harvard Should Spend More on Legacy of Slavery Initiative

News

Massachusetts ACLU Demands Harvard Reinstate PSC in Letter

News

LIVE UPDATES: Pro-Palestine Protesters Begin Encampment in Harvard Yard

PROGNOSTICATOR PANTS AS HE PREDICTS PURPLE FALL

By Hu FLUNG Huey

Sudden approach of many close football games leaves poor prognosticator panting in wake like Big Bad Wolf that tried to blow down Little Pig's house. Like Wolf color finally turns to purple as poor, panting prognosticator contemplates Holy Cross. Ignorant people say Holy Cross will Reiss to the occasion and Crusader's Notre Dame system will lead them out of the Woods, but greater knowledge reveals their attack will be Britt-le. Harvard will run round Purple ends till Sheehands outpoints with final score 20-13 for Crimson.

Same superior knowledge shows other scores: Yale 14  Brown 7 Dartmouth 7  Pennsylvania 7 Michigan 10  Ohio State 7 Princeton 14  Columbia 7 Illinois 13  Army 7 Notre Dame 13  Carnegie Tech 12 Pittsburgh 13  Minnesota 7 Purdue 19  Chicago 6 S. California 20  Oregon State 6

Want to keep up with breaking news? Subscribe to our email newsletter.

Tags