Once there was a foolish Freshman who came to Harvard filled with rabid notions of Economy. Consequently he Rebuffed all invitations to Subscribe to the CRIMSON with Great Gusto, little realizing the Awful Fate which was in store for Him.
The history of the Parsimonious Freshman's year is Too Lugubrious to mention. Suffice it to say that by the end of the year the Light began to Dawn upon him. Clutching his pencil and paper he began to calculate the profits and losses of his False Economy, and discovered the following:
He had saved $4.50 which he subsequently paid to his Advisor, who with Many Blandishments, sold him the radiator in his room at the Freshman Dormitories.
He had missed the announcements of six cuts in nine o'clock classes, which had appeared only in the CRIMSON.
He had squandered countless kopeks in the purchase of books and clothing by failing to follow the notices of special sales by local tradesmen, printed only in the CRIMSON.
He had missed the Priceless Opportunity of seeing his name twice in Print, once when he went to the Stillman Infirmary for a Week End, and once when he placed tenth for his dormitory Cross Country team.
He had missed two of his mid-year examinations, because he failed to follow the announcements published in the CRIMSON and appeared for examination on the Wrong Dates at the wrong Examination Halls.
Of his Vast Intellectual Losses which followed his failure to read the Crimson's editorials, play reviews and literary comment. Modesty forbids us to make Mention here, but they were Not Inconsiderable.
At this Point, the Parsimonious Freshman threw away his pencil and paper, seized his fountain Pen and check book, and at once made out his subscription for the following year.
Thrifty Freshmen should learn from this sad tale that the CRIMSON is not a luxury but a necessity.