Gag Mag Lags, Rag Bags Wags: 23-2
SOMEWHERE AT SEA, May 12 (Delayed)--"Titanic" was the word used by Admiral Cummer von Bund to describe the annual CRIMSON-Lampoon war games run off today. In the midst of battle, her decks awash, her superstructure stove in, the U.S. aircraft carrier Lexington sank beneath the foam carrying those aboard to a watery bier. "I never thought she'd go down," murmured Able Bodied Seaman Donald Crestfallen.
Rare Admiral Lional Train brought up his motley crew equipped with the latest water throwing equipment. Train, known affectionately to his men as "The Toy," was attired in a fetching wrap-around horse blanket. His men were also attired.
With battle lines still fluid, Admiral of the Fleet Douglas M. Focastle led both opposing forces in a recruiting drive for camp-followers. An S.O.S. was sent out to replenish fuel supplies. Tank reinforcements failed to arrive, but S.O.S. returned with several small kegs.
Final battle was joined when Lieut. (j.g.) Plympton St. George arrived from an earlier engagement. Though under continual heavy water bombardment, the CRIMSON succeeded in overwhelming St. George and his supporters. Umpires declared the CRIME victor in the maneuvers: 23-2. Both forces are still feeling the effects of the battle.