Last month we got the following letter: Dear Van Heusen, you rats:
Thanks mucho for breaking up the hottest romance since Scarlet and Rhett. Me and Laundry Mark x428Fy might be honey-mooning in Palm Beach today if it wasn't for your so-called smart ideas. Go shoot yourselves in your ulcers. Respectfully yours, Dorothea Jomes.
We tracked down the story behind it and found that Miss Jomes worked a steam-iron at the Acme Laundry in Eastpox, N.J. Last year, while ironing a shirt belonging to Laundry Mark x428Fy, she had noticed a small piece of paper protruding from the slot on the collar. Curious, she pulled it out and read: "Whoever you are, I love the way you press my shirts. I think I may love you too. Interested?" She blushed, but daringly wrote her answer--"Interested, sorta," and slipped it in the collar-slot. Ten days later came another shirt from x428Fy and, sure enough, another note: "If you can cook like you can write I may be smitten beyond recall. Fascinated?" This time she almost swooned, and wrote back, "Wow, am I!" Anyhow, note followed hot note and Miss Jomes began thinking of turning in her steam iron for a marriage manual. Until one day tragedy struck. x428Fy's shirts arrived as usual, but when Miss Jomes turned to the slot she found it sewn-up. Frantic, she tried to rip it open. No luck. She could feel something thin inside, but she couldn't get to it. And that's how it's been ever since!
You see, x428Fy had switched to slotless Van Heusen Collarite shirts--with sewn-in stays! You should, too! These micro-thin stays can't get lost, keep your collar flat, and launder with your shirt! Specify Collarite next time.
And don't feel bad about Miss Jomes. She took her unhappiness out in hard work and was promoted to assistant manager. We expect a thankyou note from her any day.