Tea Leaves and Taurus

Next time you walk by the CRIMSON look above the doorway to the small balcony. There every day in years past a plumed crier appeared daily to tell the world the news. Now, gnarled in body and knotty of mind, he emerges once yearly, on New Year's morn, to gurgle weird incantations about the coming twelve-month in Serbo-Croation. Below are his predictions, translated from the original.

JANUARY--President Johnson ("seeking to gather from all America all that is great," according to Press Secretary George Reedy) prepares an inaugural exactly the same length as the Gettysburg address. Drawing on another American tradition, the telethon, he takes 6 hours and 37 minutes to deliver it. In the speech, Johnson stresses the War on Poverty and lashes out at "those centers of population in this beloved country where the disparity between the rich and the poor is only too evident, where evil is inevitably spawned to clog the bloodstream of our nation. These centers --suburban Phoenix, suburban Los Angeles--must be rehabilitated," he emphasizes.

FEBRUARY--Two hundred Chem 20 students appear at the final wearing Looey Feiser sweatshirts, hoping that the gesture will bring them good luck. It doesn't.

Arthur Miller in a feverish burst of activity finishes his new play, The Death of Suburbia. "A searching analysis of the problem of conformity in America, this dramatic work returns the theater to greatness," exults Howard Taubman of the TIMES. "Miller is the new Vance Packard."

MARCH--The University purchases the River Street power station and plans to convert it into the Tenth House. "All it needs is a little fixing up to blend in with the rest of Harvard's new architecture," observes President Pusey. Ethel Kennedy is awarded the "See What We Mean" Trophy by the Planned Parenthood League of America.

APRIL--American Heritage magazine announces the official end of the Civil War centennial celebration, as George Wallace shakes hands with Dick Gregory at Appomattox and congratulates him on the title of his new book. Says Heritage's popular editor-in-chief, Bruce Catton, "It's time for a change. We need a reorientation of attitudes toward the American past. Too few people realize that this is the 97th anniversary of the Burlingame Treaty which welcomed coolie labor to the United States. We hope to make the centennial into a big thing."

After months of arduous debate, the Faculty decides that General Education is misnamed and passes a resolution calling for a "reexamination of the assumptions which underlie the program of Non-DEPARTMENTAL Education."

MAY--Dean Watson removes the President of the Harvard-Radcliffe Tangle Society from office, hoping to make an "example of the girl who brought this subversive game to the college." In a related development, the President of the Diplomacy Society sends Watson a copy of his game before seeking University recognition.

JUNE--Thousands of students join in the Diplomacy riot protesting Dean Watson's action banning board games from the college.

Two great modern directors of the cinema, Antonioni and Resnais, collaborate on their first film, declaring that it will "try to capture the langorous, subtle rhythyms of the vita vrai." While viewing it a student declares that "if someone isn't killed within thirty minutes I'm getting out of here." No one is, he does.

JULY--Presidents De Gaulle and Johnson meet in Paris in an atmosphere of cordiality to discuss the MLF. Johnson calls De Gaulle a "great statesman with a magnificant understanding of history whose importance to the strength of the West is unquestioned," De Gaulle in reply terms Johnson a "very perceptive leader." Linda and Luci captivate the City of Light by doing the Watusi before the Congolese Embassy. Johnson introduces himself at a state dinner in the Hall of Mirrors at Versailles by saying "I am the man who accompanied the Watusi to Paris." Seventeen indignant representatives of nationalistic African countries stalk out.

AUGUST--With unparalleled energy Arthur Miller finishes his new play, Blues for Reds, Black and White. "A searing examination of the Negro communist alienated from all society except the White communist who is alienated from all society except for the black communist, this play returns the theater to even greater greatness," exults Taubman of the TIMES. "Miller has shown his great ability to discuss those great themes which concern all of us in our great contemporary society."

SEPTEMBER--Harold Wilson jolts the United States by accepting President De Gaulle's proposal for an independent Long-range Overkill Force (Europe), called LOFE for short. "After all, half of LOFE is better than none," argues Wilson before Parliament.

OCTOBER--After more months of arduous debate, the Faculty established a new program of non-DEPARTMENTAL Education at Rindge Tech. Astonished at the near-unanimous vote, Dean Ford decides that the conflict between the college and the departments has been resolved "fairly conclusively." Members of the Doty Committee resign in a huff and go as Peace Corps advisors to Peru, "where our ideas on General Education will be appreciated."

NOVEMBER--Webster's New International Dictionary spells Americans with a "u." Boston merchants bring out a spate of products honoring the late President and commemorating the impending Christmas season; hair-stylists offer the Kennedy Bob, tov manufacturers the Kennedy Teddy, service stations the Kennedy Jack and Kennedy Ethel, florists the Kennedy Rose, and even social welfare agencies get in the act; they send around a good guy with holiday cheer known as the Kennedy Joe.

DECEMBER--Alfred Velluci proposes that Memorial Church be converted into a basketball court as a Christmas present for Cambridge children. "After all its the right size and shape, and it's always empty," he says.