Under the Gun

Bassackwards

SOMEWHERE IN THE BERK SHIRE HILLS--I cannot reveal to you my exact location.

I am on top secret maneuvers, you see gradually, strategically making my way towards the United States Military Academy at West Point. I am resting now in a veritable No Man's Land--a stormy sky overhead and wilderness all around.

The going is tough, which makes it tough to get going, but I have covered many miles since my departure from headquarters. Fortunately, I have found food (and not just your everyday halibut cheese C-rations), water and shelter, and the natives are certainly friendly.

I have had little trouble keeping my superiors posted as to my whereabouts, and they have decoded and censored this transcription so that you too may join me on my venture to as yet uncharted parts of New York State.

I cannot tell you what my mission is all about, only that I am carrying vital messages concerning the implementation of the highly classified Plan Crimson.

It is a new plan, relying on a heavy air attack and minimal deployment of ground forces. Field General Donald Allard-- who perfected Plan Crimson in a previous encounter with the militia-- will lead the troops into battle. He will be supported by the forces of Captain Gregory Brown, noted for his expertise in trench warfare, and Corporal Joseph Azelby, part of a swarming Ranger Patrol commissioned to search and destroy.

I am carrying coded messages vital to the proper deployment of the troops. If I am caught, the enemy will try to break the code, but it will not succeed. The messages are written in a rarely used cipher called Multiflex--entailing a lot of Kings write and 38 Veer and 34 Dive and Able Baker Charlie, play-pass, hide the QB, flee-flicker type stuff--which only a small circle of friends known as the Harvard football team can turn into ordinary English. I will never tell the secret. They may torture me, but they will only get name, rank group and bursar's card number.

And let if be known that the enemy does indeed know that I am coming Lieutenant General Willard W. Scott Jr. has readied his men and they are eager to make my acquaintance. But I am not worried, for they are vulnerable, having already been routed in Missouri, Chapel Hill and Vietnam I know they can be beaten again.

Some time this morning (I, of course, know the exact time, but reasons of security do not allow me to spell it out here for all the world and the OSS to see) I will slip through enemy lines and witness a great battle, and I believe, the continued success of Plan Crimson.

For I have scouted the enemy, and they are ours Harvard 24, Army 23.

* * *

And as for the other games:

PENN 27, COLUMBIA 16 The footballs won't need any air in them to be flying in Philly, as this game matches up two of the East's top throwers--Quaker Gary Vura and Lion John Witkowski. There'll be a whole lot o' quakin' going on.

CORNELL, 30, BOSTON UNIVERSITY 9--The Big Red will show the Terriers that they don't need a lot of overtimes to run it up on a Yankee Conference school. For we have no overtimes in Ivy League. We go to class, and we also play real football.

COLGATE 33, DARTMOUTH 2--In the Harvard press box last week, there was a pool going around to see how far into the season Dartmouth could get without scoring Now that they've got their points, how far can the men in Big Green go without a win' It says here at least as far as Week Number Three.

PRINCETON 26, BROWN 17 Well-known fact. Brown is 2-0 including an opening day win over defending Ivy champ Yale. Little-known fact: Brown has no pass defense, yielding 216 yards through the air to the Elis and 269 to URL last week. Tiger quarterback Bob Woods, leading the Division I-AA East in total offense, should smoke 'em. Bye, Bruno.

HOLY CROSS 28, YALE O-- Whither will the Elis be after this one ? Witherd, methinks.

Last week--5-3. Even the Snake did better. Season--6-6 and seething.