The Vanitas of Veritas

VANITY OF VANITIES, sayeth the graduating senior, all is vanity.

What profit hath students of all the labor which they pursue under the sun? One generation of students passeth and another cometh: but Harvard abideth forever.

I said of laughter, "It is worthless," and of mirth, "What's the point?" And I set unto myself to get acquainted with the ways of wisdom.

I took all my Core requirements.

I bought a computer.

I even went to office hours.

And whatever classes my heart desired I took them, for my heart rejoiced in all my labor.

Then I looked on all the works that my hands had wrought: and, behold, all was vanity and vexation of spirit, and there was no profit under the sun.

Then said I in my heart, I am no happier than the fool who has not studied, I get the same degree as the fool in Group V, I do not get into the right law school. Then I said in my heart that this also is vanity.

Therefore I went about to cause my heart to despair of all the labor which I took under the sun. (I whined to my parents.)

For what hath the student of all his labor, and of the vexation of his heart, wherein he hath labored under the sun? (My parents told me to find a job.)

Surely this too is vanity.

To EVERYTHING there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the sun.

A time to enroll, a time to graduate; a time to cram, and a time to regurgitate that which has been crammed.

A time to sleep in, a time to show up; a time to volunteer for PBH, a time to prepare for the LSATs.

A time to add, a time to drop; a time to curse Harvard, a time to swagger around in a VERITAS sweatshirt.

A time to research for days, a time to sit down the night before and crank that baby out. A time to embrace, and a time to go to the formal as friends.

I know that whatever Harvard doeth, it shall be forever.

And moreover I saw under the sun the place of judgement, that wickedness was there; and the place of righteousness, that iniquity was there. I said in mine heart, that the righteous and the wicked shall be judged, and with any luck the former shall get a good fellowship.

For that which befalleth the Rhodes Scholar befalleth the peon; as the one dieth, so dieth the other; yea, they have all one breath; for all is vanity.

So I RETURNED and considered all the oppressions that are done under the sun: and behold the tears of the conservatives, oppressed by the politically correct, but they had no comforter, and behold the tears of the politically correct, oppressed by the conservatives, but they had no comforter. Surely this also is vanity and vexation of spirit.

A fool's voice knows a multitude of words, and may even start his own publication.

He who boldfaces Harvard on his resume should be kept from a position of responsibility.

He who criticizes the all-male final clubs will have a hard time finding a good game of croquet.

He that loveth silver shall not be satisfied with silver, nor he that loveth abundance with increase; nor he that loveth status with a lifetime Harvard Club membership. This is also vanity.

And this is also a sore evil, that in all points as he came, so shall he go, no matter how many toys he has: and what profit hath he that hath labored for the wind?

Then I commended mirth, because a student hath no better thing under the sun, than to eat and to drink (preferably outside of the dining halls) and to hang out with friends: for that shall abide with him all the days of his life, especially if he takes pictures.

WHO IS as the wise man? Who knoweth the interpretation of a thing? And did he do all the reading or is he just faking it? A man's wisdom maketh his face to shine, and the boldness of his face shall be changed, although usually not right in front of the professor.

I saw under the sun that recruiting jobs are not to the saviest nor medical school admissions to the smartest; but chance and connections happeneth to them all.

For man also knoweth not his time: as the fishes that are taken in an evil net, and as the birds that are caught in a snare; so are the sons of men snared in an evil time, when it falleth suddenly upon them, and nobody is hiring.

And I beheld the ways of wisdom, that a man cannot find out all the work that is done under the sun; though a wise man think to know it all, yet he shall not be able to find it; much better to specialize.

VANITY OF VANITIES, sayeth the graduating senior, all is vanity.

He who spendeth too much time on his resume shall not achieve, and he that regardeth his appearance too highly shall grow bald rapidly.

There will come a day when the keeper of the University shall tremble, and the strong shall bow themselves, and those that look out of the windows shall be impressed, and the banner shall be loosed, and the golden ring shall be worn.

Rejoice, O young student, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes. But know thou, on that sacred day, on all these things you will be judged.

See you in the 25 years.

In the beginning, Joshua M. Sharfstein '91 was editorial chair of The Crimson. Now he is losing his hair.