The Isis Club punch book became public knowledge late Wednesday night
after it was discovered that the Isis†e-mail list was not password
protected.
Just one of many archived e-mails that were recovered from
the all-women final club, the punch book lists the potential members
(or ⁰unches
whose first names begin with the letters A through Kr;
each entry is followed by a compendium of anonymous comments made by
club members.
Final clubs are targets for those who are envious of not
belonging or for those seldom few who harbor objections to elitism on
moral principles. From this envy and disdain, stereotypes have emanated
widely. But, at least for Isis, some of the worst stereotypes of
Harvard private social organizations seem to be proved true⁴he punch
book is an extravaganza of vapidity, cattiness, self-praise, and
insecurity.
Let begin with the most amusing offenses, those of poor diction, which run rampant throughout the punch book.
⁓uper —s in ⁉ not super impressed †or ⁓he is super personable ††is liberally employed.
The term iterally †is also used, à la middle school, on
occasions where something is not at all literal, such as he is
literally crazy †or he literally LOVES everyone. †
And before reading the Isis punch book, I assumed that the
superfluous add-ons ike †and ⁴otally †were confined to spoken
English. How wrong I was...One member vents, ⁓he also totally asked me
to get breakfast with her at 7:30 am on a Friday. I don⁴ knowust
like, why would you ask anyone that?
It suffices to say that the biggest word used in the punch book is the curious term imensionality.
Also included are little hints as to what Isis members do with their time.
After ⁰utting up with a second rather annoying punch, †one
member-to-be tuck around and we had a great convo, even went
(successful) shoe shopping together! †
Or, ⁷e ended up sitting and laughing for like an hour and a half. Then my blockmates came down and we all just kept chilling. †
Or even, as in the case of a member who idn⁴ feel an instant
connection †with one punch: ⁁nd since Isis isn⁴ *necessarily* about
all of us being best friends all the time...I would vote to have [name
redacted] in because I bet she a blast to hang out with in the kind
of settings we often find ourselves in as a club. †
And what kind of situations might those be? ⁉ interested
to see how she does in a more ⁰arty†(read: boozefest) setting.
(That not my parenthetical statement, by the way).
Undeterred by the lava †of Isis, there are nonetheless some
who seek membership in this haven of inebriated ditzes. For those, a
harsh calculus awaits.
⁒eally cute but a little concerned that she was trying too hard, †is one member summation of a punch.
In the same vein: ⁉ got the sense that she was trying really hard. Maybe too hard. †
And rounding out the trifecta: ⁗e need to cut her, omigod now. Tried way way way too hard. Outgoing but not in a good way.
Occasionally, there an attempt at being a bit more concrete:
⁉ have concluded that she is boring and has almost a self-serving
attitude.
Another member chimes in, ⁍y impression is that if she wasn⁴ pretty, she wouldn⁴ get so much attention.
And then there the punch who is ironically condemned for
ake smiling. †Heavens forfend that anyone should think members of the
Isis were faking it in any way.
Some punches are dismissed simply: ⁇ive her the axe †or ⁓he so CUT it not even funny. †
Other dismissals are counterintuitive. ⁉ think she could go on
to the next event, but definitely won⁴ make it into the club. †Or,
⁃UT She was nice and talkative. Can⁴ really see her going all the
way. †
Those who envy to enter the final club fray should take
heart. If the banal jabbering of the Isis†members is any indication of
the whole, then the organizations†purported exclusivity is an imagined
concept.
Even the endorsements are sickening: ⁓he just a cool fun girl, not unlike the rest of us.
What do punches have to look forward to? Shopping, boozefests,
and conversations dominated by churlish giggling are the answers
gestured to by the punch book.
The document lays bare what many have suspected for so long,
that the decisions to include or exclude are marked by social conceit.
The creative accomplishments of one punch makes her ⁴he NEXT
BIG THING and it would be a coup to have her in the club †although
she also little awkward. I thought so after the first event but
was also suayed [swayed] by her air of sophistication and fashion
sense. †Regarding another punch, a member declares, ⁉ really want her
wardrobe and handbag collection.
One cannot help but feel bad for the Isis. That they, unlike
their all-male counterparts, do not own a multi-million dollar mansion
makes it necessary to unwisely keep an electronic punch book.
All the same, it hard to put to words just how insipid the
Isis†punch book really is. Once, to note that a club was exclusive was
to say that it had dignity, that its members were endowed with social
grace, an intangible but real quality.
Today, instead of rewarding social grace⁷hich the punch book
unquestionably lackst might be suggested that the Isis is something
of an anti-meritocracy.
It been said that the Isis is merely an exceptionally poor
specimen of an elite, punch-based organization. Wel never know, but
let hope that scrawled in other, more prestigious clubs†punch books
is not more of the same mindless criteria, not a self-indictment like
the Isis†giddy prose has provided.
Travis Kavulla ‰6-‰7 is a history concentrator affiliated with Mather House. His column appears on alternate Mondays.
