DEAR NIKKI: Men and Moolah

Dear Nikki,

I feel like I’m not datable. While my roommates have been in and out of numerous relationships, I haven’t really dated anyone even though I want to. Any suggestions?

—­­Devoid of Dating Dear Devoid of Dating,

If only Harvard offered a course on Dating 101! Romance plagues everyone at college, so here’s my quick guide to figuring out what obstacles stand between you and a date, or helping you come to peace with the conclusion that you may not want a guy right now at all.

One key aspect to swooping into the “dating jungle” is strategic flirting. But don’t sweat: the art of flirtation is not rocket science—it is simply a common sense technique to inform people that you’re available (and interested) without being pathetically straightforward about it. If done properly, it is the most successful way to bring you closer to grabbing up your future partner (Unless, of course, you resort to knocking him across the head with a club and dragging him back to your dorm room.)

First of all, make sure you smile, even if it’s sort of a half-grin. After all, you want to at least give the impression that you’re actually a nice person. If you enter a room with a stern face and gruff, stand-offish demeanor, even I would run away. Second, although it may go against your Harvard instinct, master the art of small talk. That doesn’t mean you should talk about the weather—unless you’re trying to engage an ESPP concentrator with your knowledge of tropical depressions—but it does mean you should seize the opportunity to make an impression on somebody in a low-key manner.

The number one rule for successful and daring flirtation is subtle sex appeal. As the all-knowing Cher Horowitz says in “Clueless”, “Sometimes you have to show a little skin. This reminds guys of being naked, and then they think of sex.” But tube tops can get tiresome and cold as the winter comes on, so instead, wear a sweater, and try to discreetly touch the object of your affection, maybe on the arm. It can’t hurt, right?

Most importantly, be yourself. All of the cutie patootie stuff won’t work if you don’t have a personality underneath it all.

And have some fun. As any of your taken friends can attest, the act of finding and trapping a new love is the best part of a relationship. After the honeymoon week, you’ll be bored (so count your blessings now). The fun comes with getting out there and meeting different types of people in different settings.

After the “flirting escapade” has been successfully completed, don’t forget that we’re in the 21st century now—“the age of progression”—or something like that. You don’t need to “have the balls” to ask him out. After all, chivalry seems to be over, and so should any instinct to wait around for a Prince Charming.

Something to keep in mind is that college is not a four-year window to find your soul mate. It is instead a time of exploration and discovery. Contrary to what it seems, not everyone you know is on the way to getting hitched. Moreover, if you’re unattached, maybe you’re just not ready to date right now. So—I would certainly encourage going out with different people. And if you find Mr. Right, great. But don’t be pressured by that goal, or by the notion that you need to be in a relationship. What’s more important is that you get to laugh a little bit and enjoy yourself.

Most Amorously,

Nikki

Dear Nikki,

At school, I constantly feel pressured to buy. Whether it’s going out to dinner in the Square, getting nice things to decorate my room, buying new books instead of used, or throwing parties, I want to spend the money but don’t feel like I can.

—Constrained Consumer

Let’s be honest: while the best things in life may indeed be free, we still worship MasterCard, and this is a material world. (Madonna, after all, is always right.)

Separate from the hefty tuition bill, extraneous expenses during the year can be steep and daunting.

The temptations of designer jeans at Jasmine Sola, an apple martini at Noir, a full membership to Wellbridge Gym, or a weekend jaunt to the Cape may be difficult to resist, but assessing what it is you really want and coupling that with careful budgeting is key to coming to peace with your spending habits.

If the word “budget” makes you cringe, think of the process as simply a self check-up on how you’re spending your money. Anxiety comes from the ignorance of how so many bills are flying out of your wallet—so avoiding the belief that your money miraculously disappears is step one to getting in control.

A budget is simply a tool to increase your consciousness of how and where you spend your money so you have a guideline to help you dish out the dough on what’s most important to you (and so you can feel better about splurging every now and then).

It really is simple: first set up some goals for yourself by writing out categories—i.e. books, clothes, food and drinks, illicit drugs (ahem)—and how much money you’d like to spend within each category. Then, record your expenses (take five minutes at the end of the day to write down how much you spent). And finally, reassess your goals in relation to your spending habits.

Another tip: signing yourself up for a campus job will not only keep you mindful of your expenses but will also prevent you from daily ATM withdrawals. Even if it’s making just $30 a week, that can be moolah that’s not taken directly out of your bank account for dinner and a movie with a special someone.

While you should make some room to treat yourself now and then, also keep in mind that you simply cannot have everything you want. If you’re aching to buy something you tried on, try my prized “one hour rule”: Walk away from the store. And if you are still thinking about how much you want it one hour later, go back and get it. Try not to be vulnerable to instant gratification—pure pleasure is only an episodic phenomenon...so don’t let such an ephemeral force feed its way too deeply into your wallet.

Giving it to the birds and the bees,

Nikki