The Crimson’s editorial board puts its slightly scuffed crystal ball to work.
Michael B. Broukhim ’07 Editorial chair Drew Gilpin Faust becomes president of Harvard and renames it Radcliffe. Harvey C. Mansfield says Harvard has lost its “manliness” and bemoans “the rule of the less wise over the more wise.”
Matthew S. Meisel ’07 Editorial chair Now that Harvard has official plans to house undergrads in Allston, the Quad will secede from the University and be annexed by Canada. Curling, anyone?
Piotr C. Brzezinski ’07 Associate editorial chair Announcing his return via a CUE reminder e-mail, Larry Summers inspires skyrocketing student participation, as well as a subsequent faculty CUE boycott led by Judith Ryan—and suddenly the January Faculty meeting is reinstated.
Andrew B. English ’07 Associate editorial chair Seeking a president who will not offend women, American Indians, “soft” social scientists, or people, the presidential search committee will appoint Kermit the Frog. Kermit will promptly be deemed sexist for calling his girlfriend a “pig.”
Sahil K. Mahtani ’08 Associate editorial chair The Curricular Review will be completed.
William C. Marra ’07 Guest predictor: President To combat declining use of the Women’s Center, Harvard will move the infant organization into the basement of the Fox. Attendance will skyrocket.
May Habib ’07 Guest predictor: Assoc. managing editor After losing the University’s top post to Nobel laureate Thomas Cech, Elena Kagan will leave Harvard Law School to join another woman’s bid for a presidency. Hillaryland’s warm-fuzzies will make Kagan whole again.