Fool Force

What are you doing today?

A p-set, you say? A response paper, you say? Nothing, you say?

What are you thinking? It’s motherlovin’ April Fools’ Day, only the most important holiday after Halloween (dress up and get drunk) and Thanksgiving (eat food and get drunk). If you haven’t already destroyed at least two of your friendships with your trickery, you’re doing something wrong.

Thanks to impressive spring break scheduling on Harvard’s part, we managed to get St. Patty’s day off (wear green and get drunk), but none of the other major holidays around this time: no Marathon Monday (watch running and get drunk) or Passover (talk about affliction and get drunk) or Easter (as a Jew, just get drunk). Heck, we only get one of the two weeks of Restaurant Week off. So we really shouldn’t be surprised that we have class on April Fools’ Day—although we should, of course, be severely disappointed and outraged. But, as with those other, less important holidays, just because you have two midterms and a paper due does not mean you shouldn’t go all out. In fact, after summer applications, House pride, Easter egg hunts, and telling everyone you know about those two midterms and that paper, you should be well practiced at over-competitiveness and one-upmanship. So make sure your prank is the best.

Luckily, that shouldn’t be hard. Look at all the resources Harvard has at its disposal. Now use them to cause some chaos. The UC gives money to organizations for event publicity. Pretend you’re an organization, and use your free posters wisely. They don’t need to make sense—they just need to embarrass at least one of your friends. There will be at least five events tonight featuring Finale. Take all the blueberries off the tarts and replace them with dyed peanuts. But remember: points off if someone has a severe allergic reaction. And don’t even get me started on the fact that you have access to all of your suitemates’ rooms, as well as all of the foods in your dining hall, including (according to my bookmarked dining.harvard.edu) jerk chicken and that old standby, butternut squash, for dinner tonight. Be creative.

If you’re struggling, remember that there is absolutely nothing wrong with cultural appropriation. In certain French-speaking regions, the challenge is to tape a paper fish to someone’s back without getting caught by your freshly tuna-ed target. In Scotland, you’re supposed to send a hapless messenger on a wild goose chase. Newspapers around the world relish publishing fake stories; NPR’s All Things Considered does the same thing, complete with sound effects. At Harvard, we had some snow last year. That’s going to be a hard one to top, but as proud members of this elite institution, we can probably think of something. If all else fails, write an overeager and vaguely combative op-ed and see what happens.

Take a break from talking about how you feel about military drones, how you’re too tired to prank your friends, how our administration might be searching your email account as you speak. Don’t be sanctimonious about the fact that lying is wrong—and, as we’ve learned, so is cheating apparently. Instead, appreciate that we have one chance a year where deception is actually sanctioned. This is our moment to shine.

It’s April Fools’ Day. It’s time. We have only a month and half left before we’ll be done with this semester and ready to begin our sophomore slumps, junior just-don’t-cares, senior slacks, or, for the Class of 2013, futures. We need to start practicing. Just hang out at a pretty interesting university, enjoy the temperamental spring weather, and realize that today is an entire holiday devoted to being a little strange.

Take a look: Google made sure it’s on your G-Cal. That means everyone on this campus definitely knows about it.

Leah J. Schulson ’14, a Crimson editorial writer, is a history concentrator in Eliot House.