How They Should Really Change the SAT

The internet has been ablaze this week with news of the SAT undergoing some serious changes. The changes include cutting the penalty for incorrect guessing, eliminating esoteric vocabulary words (ha), and making the essay optional. Good start, College Board, but here are some suggestions to complete the overhaul.

1. No SAT

The easiest improvement to the test would just be to eliminate it.The only people who think the SAT isn’t nonsense are people who scored a 1400+ or 2100+, and even they realize by the end of college (hell, by the end of freshman fall) that their high test scores don’t matter. Like, at all.

2. A “street-smarts” section

If they won’t eliminate the SAT, they should at least make it more applicable to students’ lives in the “real world.” Do students know how to perform an ocular patdown? Do students have a general idea of how to dress for an interview? These are important questions, folks. Life, death, and career opportunities are on the line.

3. Administer (mild?) electric shocks as the students work

Being able to work is being able to work under pressure.