Harvard’s season is basically already over. The champagne has been enjoyed, the Powerade spilled, the riots subdued.
Really, the Crimson is only playing tomorrow as a favor to Yale.
It’s a little bit like that one party that kid threw back in high school. He was sort of weird, but you told him that you were going to come anyway even though you really didn’t want to. A few hours beforehand, you gave the kid a call.
“Hey dude, listen. Something’s come up, and I can’t come tonight.”
“Really?!?” the friend said sadly. “I told everyone you were going to be here.”
“Yeah, everyone is expecting you. We’re all so excited to get together!”
Begrudgingly, you consent, even though it’s probably going to be a waste of your time, and you could have just as easily stayed at home.
This is how we see The Game tomorrow. Yale, we’re coming down as a favor to you so you don’t disappoint all of your friends in New Haven.
The Game isn’t even going to be a game. Harvard has won nine of the last 10 meetings. What’s the most notable thing you guys have done in that stretch? Some students got tazed at a nightclub, your alumnus left the White House, and you guys managed to get a bunch of Harvard fans to hold up colored cardboard signs that looked more like a Microsoft Paint editing job than “We Suck.” Your admissions office made a music video that probably did more for Harvard recruiting than anything Dean Fitzsimmons ever could.
Personally, we’re not particularly thrilled about having to go to Yale. Any school that merges its secret societies with its a cappella groups—Skull and Tones, anyone?—probably isn’t worth our time. Word on the street is that Harvard running back Treavor Scales thought about Yale until he realized that his last name would force him into New Haven’s dark netherworld of musical puns.
But as we think about it, why would anyone choose Yale? We don’t know either. In fact, we can give you a long list of reasons why Harvard is empirically better than that school down south.
1. Food: New England clam chowder vs. New Haven-style pizza. Honestly, we don’t really buy that changing around the crust a little bit really means that you’ve created a whole new “style.” When back home we leave a Pop Tart in the toaster for an extra 45 seconds, no one calls it a Pasadena-style pastry.
2. Airports: Logan vs. Tweed. Boston’s Logan Airport is a bustling hub for travel all over the world, a gateway to America, Europe, and even Asia. Your airport is called Tweed. You can only fly to Philadelphia. Need we say more?
3. Landmarks: We have Fenway Park, Boston Common, the Old North Church, and pretty much everything on the Harvard campus. You have a nightclub called Toad’s.