I have been really close with my nextdoor neighbor all year, and I started developing feelings for her over break. I decided to share my feelings, in hopes of a romantic Valentine’s Day. Her response? “I just want to be friends.” How can I keep being friends with her if I want more?
Friendzoned in February
First of all, props to you for making a move! No, seriously. While it may not have gone the way you hoped, having that kind of confidence and go-getter attitude will get you far in life—just make sure you don’t turn into section kid.
Anyways, you took your shot, and it missed the mark. Yikes. If you feel like you need to wallow, keep your self-pity contained to one night of eating ice cream and watching The Notebook on repeat. After that, pick yourself up and remember that just because she said no, that’s not a negative reflection on you! Channel all your angsty energy into acing your classes, actually doing that reading you’ve been putting off, and spending time with your friends. Regarding this Girl-Next-Door, if you truly value her friendship, you’ll find a way to make it work. Maybe you need your space right now, which is totally understandable, and definitely don’t feel forced to be around her if you feel too hurt. If/When you realize that you miss her as a friend, just tell her that. You know that she still wants to be friends, so that security will make it much easier when you attempt to move forward.
Long story short, take some time for yourself, and really evaluate what you want. If you truly enjoy having this girl in your life, you’ll realize that this one incident isn’t worth losing her over. Be warned, though...awkward encounters in the hallway might ensue in the next few days. That’s just life, my friend. It’s only awkward if you make it that way.
Someone I like was only willing to be "friends with benefits." He insisted he didn't want a real relationship, but would then flirtatiously say we should get married or have kids, and say that he cared about me and that I made him happy. I would consistently get my hopes up only to be let down! We continued this for three months before deciding to end things. Now, we’re trying to be just friends, but I still have feelings for him. He's already seeing someone new and is willing to commit to them, which confuses me. I want to be friends, but keep getting hurt. What should I do?
Just Friends...with Benefits?
Dear Just Friends,
Oh, boy. I hate to be blunt, but you need to cut this dude from your life. Before you inevitably start coming up with reasons not to, hear me out.
First of all, anyone who brings up marriage and kids in college (even if it’s a joke) seriously needs to reevaluate their priorities. The only kids you need to be thinking about are the food babies you’ll get at Jefe’s on Saturday night. Second, this sounds like the definition of being strung along. And seriously, Just Friends, nobody deserves to be toyed with, especially you. You are a strong person, and anyone who would keep leading you on when they know you have feelings for them is a jerk. It’s super selfish, and as much as you think you like this person, being in a real relationship with him would be miserable. Someone who doesn’t appreciate you and value you doesn’t deserve to have you in their life. Period, end of story. I know it’s hard to hear, but sometimes the truth is hard.
Regarding this new person he’s seeing, don’t waste your time wondering why Grade-A Jerk is willing to commit to them and not to you. It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with Mr. Jerk-off not realizing he let an incredible person slip away. I’ve been in your shoes countless times before, and I know how it feels to be grasping at straws to keep a person you like in your life. But honestly, being friends with this person sounds like it’s just hurting you, and that’s not a healthy way to live. He needs to go. It’s for the best, and it’ll feel so liberating to not have to worry about him anymore.
Keep your head up,
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