Harvard’s Tricks and Treats

What’s up, witches? We’re here with an important PSA: It’s time to make way for Halloween, aka. the second-spookiest time of the year (after midterms season). We’re sure you’ve been preparing for this holiday since the first week of school (when browsing Pinterest for cute costume ideas was your only motivation to push through), so we want to make sure that you don’t forget about the most important Halloween tradition: trick-or-treating! Our special Flyby version of trick-or-treating will highlight all the terrifying tricks and treats at Harvard we’ve all grown to know and love. Enjoy!

Trick: The tourists that sneak into random buildings

With the recent gate closures, I’ve come to notice something: Harvard feels like an actual college campus without the swarms of tourists taking photos and blocking your path to class. But the worst thing that they do besides touch our good ol’ pal John Harvard’s shoe is sneak into buildings in the Yard (cough cough, Sever, Emerson, and Annenberg). The cherry on top? Yup, you already know — as if being followed into buildings wasn’t bad enough, some of these tourists dare to give YOU the side-eye, as if we aren’t actual enrolled students here.

Trick: When a “Masshole” driver almost runs you and your overpriced “Tatte like latte” over

This has happened to me more than I care to admit. But I’m still shocked every time it happens because I never expected to find drivers with a worse case of road rage than my father driving in NYC. Like everyone else on campus, I’ve learned to acclimate to the honks and disregard for the very visible stop signs. Instead, I focus on making sure that my 16-ounce iced chai latte with oat milk will always leave the incident unscathed and unspilled.

Treat: When the dhall randomly brings out ice cream for dinner

Ice cream on a random Wednesday night?! Sign me up ASAP. As much as Sunday Sundaes get me through the week, watching HUDS workers bring out cartons of ice cream on a seemingly unremarkable evening makes it all the more special. These are nights that make life seem bearable again.

Treat: When there is no line at the mail center

Humor me for a minute. Imagine a world when every time you get a glorious email with “Please Read — The Harvard Yard Mail Center Has Rec—” in the subject line and you walk all the way over to the Science Center, there is never a line! Is this a fantasy? Mostly, but the rare times when you magically time your Amazon and Depop pickups to correspond with the mailroom’s hours make you believe in life and hope again. This treat is the gift that will hopefully keep on giving.

Trick: When Harvard doesn’t turn the heat on even though it’s the end of October…

This one is pretty self-explanatory. Please give us heat to keep us warm and provide us with the perfect excuse to skip our 9 a.m. classes (sorry professor, my 64 degree room and blanket burrito combo sadly prevented me from showing up today… and tomorrow… and the next day too).

Trick: Halloweekend coinciding with Family Weekend

Seriously? As much as it might annoy the freshmen and juniors who will have to rearrange their festivities so they can attempt to not look too hungover at family brunches, you have to admit: this is genius plotting and scheming on Harvard’s part. And for that, this trick takes the cake.

Treat: When you come up with a costume that no one else will be (cough cough, Devils and Angels)

Whether you finally came up with a witty Rhyme without Reason idea for you and your roomates, or you are stealing a niche idea from Pinterest or TikTok and passing it off as one of your own (totally not me), the excitement you feel knowing that you don’t have to be a devil or angel for Halloween is unmatched. All that’s left is coming up with an equally witty Instagram caption for the cute digital camera pictures you’re sure to take during Halloweekend.

Trick: When your “15-minute nap” turns into 2 hours

We’ve all been here, and if you’re shaking your head no right now, you’re a liar, liar pants on fire. Whether you’ve knocked out in a public space like the Smith Campus Center and ignored the “this is a stay awake space” or in your dorm, these “15-minute naps” are a canon event. The weird mixture of panic, disorientation, guilt, pride, and relief you feel after this slumber either immediately gets you wired up and invigorates you to be the most productive you have ever been to make up the lost time, OR it leads you to dig yourself an even deeper grave and give up because what’s the point of working if you already lost so much time, right?

Treat: You actually wake up feeling rested

Why is it that when I sleep four hours I feel more rested than I do when I sleep for 10? But then why do I not feel rested when I sleep seven hours? What is the Goldilocks sleep ratio? Someone actually let me know, because I think I’ve only woken up feeling good two times this semester. But, oh boy, do I still think about those two times almost every night. Honestly, I would trade all of my Trader Joe’s snacks for another night of amazing sleep, and that’s saying something.

Treat: When the Securitas guards at Lamont smile and wish you a good night after you had an existential crisis in a depressing cubicle

The Securitas guards, and Harvard staff in general, are the kindest people. Seeing one of them smile at you and wish you a good day after you were overthinking and beginning to feel seasonal depression kick in when you saw that it was dark outside at only 6 p.m. is the life changing motivation I need. Please, smile back at them and spread kindness!

There you have it – my favorite Harvard tricks and treats (not including the Fruit Roll-Ups and Pirate’s Booty I take from my proctor’s door every week). I hope that this Halloween season gives you more treats than tricks: you deserve it <3.