Physics-Bio Memo War Escalates

Physics Chair Calls Rival Field 'A Haven For Lab-Coated Pre-Meds'

CAMBRIDGE--The war of memos between the Physics and Biology Department raged on yesterday as Acting Chair of the Physics Department Quan-Tum Spin accused Biology of being "a powerhouse of pre-medical preparation," and "a sloppy, poor excuse for an academic discipline."

Spin's internal memorandum, obtained by a sneaky Crimson reporter eager for a byline, was directed at Physics graduate students who "disloyally" teach in the Biology Department.

The Biology Department promptly launched a counterattack as head tutor Sye T. Plasm said of Physics, "Those weenies think they're so cool just because they study quantum mechanics. Whoop-de-friggin-do."

"They wouldn't understand evolution if a Drisophagulus naturally selected right in front of their eyes and Steven J. Gould himself was there to explain the process in its socio-historical context," Plasm said.

Hollis Professor of Rabbit Studies and Christian Aesthetics Peter N.D. Wolf '64 said, "I'm not really involved in the debate since I'm not really a science professor, but I agree that [Plasm] is a bonehead."


'Antiquarian Exegesis'

Drawing a battle line halfway up the hill, while sending evolutionists in a right flanking movement and deploying geneticists in a crosswise deceptive maneuver, the biologists exchanged volleys with the Jefferson and Lyman Battalions.

"Saved any lives lately, you beancounters?" challenged a junior Biology professor.

"Comprehended Schroedinger's equation, you dweebs?" responded a Physics graduate student.

"We don't need to be bogged down by antiquarian exegesis of outdated mathematics, you geeks," returned a molecular biologist. "Those equations were discovered in, like, the 17th century. We study the present, not the nerdy doodlings of some longdecomposed apple-dropper."

"You're a lab-coated phalanx of pathetic pre-meds," retorted Spin.

"Am not!" said the biologist.

"Am too!" said Spin.

"I'm like rubber, you're like glue. What you say bounces off of me and sticks to you," said the biologist.

Bok Intervenes