Dartboard can't help but notice that classrooms this fall are not only overflowing with students, but also with cell phones. Who are these people who think their call is more important than everyone else in the room? They must have been accepted to Harvard, yet can't figure out how to turn their phones off, even after the first ring during a class. Few things are more obnoxious or distracting in the lecture hall.
"First Nights" covers material from Monteverdi to Stravinsky. But the fact that your phone happens to play one of these tunes for its ring is absolutely no excuse. Professor Kelly's lectures may fulfill your Lit-Arts B requirement, but the digital polyphony of multiple ringing nuisances will not. And if your phone rings "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star," it isn't any better.
Dartboard also wonders what kind of urgent calls these students are getting at 10 in the morning. Are McKinsey recruiters ringing the star Ec concentrators with offers of multi-million dollar contracts? Are the Gov jocks waiting for a personal appeal from Gore or Bush? Is there an illicit network of drug deals going down on campus? Get a grip: we're all students, and we should show a little more respect for our esteemed professors and our classmates.
It's one thing if you live in the Quad and never make it home. But it still doesn't explain why you can't remember to turn the phone off--even if your significant other needs his or her regular check-ins. And for those TFs who've let their phones ring in section, it doesn't make you seem cool or important, just incompetent. So please: save our sanity and your Geiger counts--cancer's no fun. Just switch off before you enter our hallowed halls of learning. And it wouldn't hurt to do the same in dining halls, too.
—Michael L. Shenkman
The Fall of Man: An Ode
O Stoughton! Thy once-fair, unsullied name
Hallowed with time and Revolution fame
is now whispered but soft, in tones of shame;
No longer is thy roof with glory crown'd,
O Stoughton! For thy ceiling has come down.
Those upon whom the plaster chunks and boards
Collapsed, had not feared anything untowards;
Yet ne'er could Damocles with all his swords
TO A COQUETTE.Thou dost shoot thy arrow True, with Cupid's how, Pretty maid, Like a chatt'ring sparrow Wounded, is the beau, Pretty
THE SPECTRE DEGREE.GEORGE FAUST. - A student, Senior. MEPHISTO. - Poetical for the Old Nick. MARGUERITE. SCENE I. - THE COMPACT. FAUST,
OUR FAIREST FOE.1881. NAY, never say thou lov'st but Yale, Nor count thyself fair Harvard's foe; While on thy cheek now red,
THE COLLEGE PUMP.LONE relic of the bygone days! Thou hast outslept the world's regard; What would'st thou with our modern ways, Thou
ANOTHER FORM!"ANOTHER SPIRIT." "SUBMISSION cannot always be." Well said, thou thinker bold and free! O that such thoughts, thou daring man,
No HeadlineTHE BUZZ SAW, - A TRAGEDY. SUFFERING SOUL. - Sing on ! O saw ! O saw, sing on! SAW.