English muffin:

Mix well with Smuckers

Work better with coffee

Well bread

Are nicer when you butter them

You cut one in half to put condiments on

Started out as flour

Very beloved

Can feed a family

Both:

Is not a real muffin

Would get the same

score on a calculus test

White-bread

Make the world a better place

Love them for their warm nooks and crannies

Every meal could be

improved by having one

or two at the table

English concentrator:

Mix well with Shmucks

Can’t work without coffee

Well-read

Are nicer when you

butter them up

Will likely bleed if you cut one in half, and people will judge you for it

Started out as premed

Read Beloved

....