Drinky Drink: Half Marathon

Alcohol usually accompanies bad decisions; running a half marathon, as we see it, qualifies as a bad decision. A sweaty, painful, 13.1094 mile-long bad decision. Instead of case racing the entire way and polishing off a light (and hydrating) beer at each mile marker, why not make at least one good decision? Follow FM’s advice on what to drink before, during, and after a half-marathon.

Before: Coach’s Pick-leback

1.5 oz. Whiskey

1.5 oz. Pickle Juice

1.5 oz. Competitive “Spirit”

Make sure to get a good night’s sleep and eat plenty of carbs—tomato basil ravioli soup with extra ravioli should do just fine. Stretch and hydrate for good measure. Throw back that shot of whiskey for the courage it’s going to take you to fight through those 13 miles, and a shot of pickle juice to fight through the charley horse that’s bound to hit at mile eight.

During: Road Runner’s Rage

4.5 oz. Red Bull

1.5 oz. vodka

Pinch of Sugar

1.5 oz. Water

1.5 oz. Bad Decision

To keep you going through the five-mile slump, forget water cups. A refreshing Red Bull vodka will give you the real energy you need. Don’t be fooled by its high caffeine and sugar content; the crash will come long after the race is over. After all, you’re only running half a marathon. Even DAPA would approve: the extra shot of water says, “Don’t forget to alternate!”  At this point, who knows if it’s the Red Bull or the calisthenics that have your heart beating like that.

After: Runner’s High

3 oz. Absinthe

9 oz. Champagne

A dash of lemon

A teaspoon of Hemingway-esque machismo

Served in a trophy, this twist on the classic Death in the Afternoon will make up for the endorphins that never kicked in at mile 11. The absinthe will raise your delusions of grandeur to a hallucinatory reality. Congrats on finishing your half-marathon. We raise you a cup half full to a race half done.