Levity
As Odysseus Went His Many Roundabout Ways, So Too Did My Absentee Ballot
I can’t tell you the exact monsters my ballot has to fight, but if I were a conspiracy theorist I would certainly accuse the Deep State.
Advice to Josh: How to Survive Grade Deflation
Ever since reading the recent report about grade inflation at Harvard, our perpetually confused freshman Josh has been feeling extra anxious. Should he quit all his extracurriculars? Bribe his professors to keep his 4.0? We’ve asked some of FM’s best for their wisdom on how Josh can survive the supposedly impending changes to grading norms at Harvard College.
Let Them Eat Gayke
Despair not. From the ashes of DEI rises dessert.
FM Mini Cryptic
Welcome to Fifteen Minutes first-ever cryptic crossword.
Venn Diagram: Locking Eyes With a Turkey, Finding Out You Have an Assignment at 11:30
Fight or flight.
Error 404: AI Not Found
On a fateful morning, Chad wakes up to find his friend, his therapist, his tutor, his everything — gone.
One More Tap
The new laundry app, One More Tap — because clearly we’re not tapping our screens enough — was supposed to replace the hassle of coins and streamline the campus clothes-washing experience. My relationship with the app, however, is more complicated.
I Went to Every Event Pubbed To Me
Every pub email, every flyer, every overheard conversation in the dining hall — if the event fit in my schedule, I would attend it.
Venn Diagram: Harvard Foundation, Sharing Location
Questionable accuracy in representation.
Visiting your internet-free cafe won’t satiate my bottomless hunger for brainrot
I’m more certain than ever that memes are at the top of my food pyramid, and I’m disillusioned from any notion that matcha and mousse might sufficiently correct my diet.
Advice to Alan Garber
Have you considered selling merch?
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