In the years since its construction of Hicks House, located in Kirkland’s C-Entryway, lore has floated around Harvard’s campus of the ghosts living there. In an attempt to see them for myself, I decided to spend a night in the Hicks House Attic, now used as the Kirkland House library.
In the name of preserving their independence while having casual sex, the most daring Harvard students enter agreements known as “situationships,” which are nowhere near the commitment of a relationship — God forbid! — but are way too involved to just be a “regular hookup.”
The raw transcript of an interview with one of Harvard’s premier Section Kids (who asked to stay anonymous so as to not draw attention to themselves or their classmates) about another “show-stealing” performance today.
You gather white envelopes, your embossing kit, and with a little Harvard directory perusing, compile a roster of the [redacted athletic] team in your Notes app. You slide a Covid test into each envelope, seal the edge with hot wax, and write names on the front in cursive. It’s hard work, but someone’s gotta do it.
Presidents, they’re just like us! Chester A. Arthur, a New Yorker who served as the 21st president of the United States, had no business being where he was and was wildly unpopular and unqualified for his job. We all have a little Chester in us. This one goes out to you, Chet:
Ah, yes. College-sanctioned Relaxation Time. Nothing promotes Wellness more than gaslighting yourself into believing that you don’t need to panic over your Gov 20 essay when you definitely do. Luckily, a year with my high school ex had prepared me well.
Some alternative suggestions for Harvard Economics t-shirt slogans, including “Like the Keystone Pipeline, but to Goldman Sachs" and “Looking for a causal relationship.”
Eventually, Bakshi heard a voice for “the first time in forever.” God? The ghost of Increase Mather? The Taco Nacho Salad Odor brought to life? No: the elevator’s telecom system. (When we press about the duration of “forever,” Bakshi clarifies that it had in fact been only 20 minutes.) The voice belonged to a serviceman who said, “We’ll have somebody come over to you right now.”
With a limited amount of things to do in quarantine, FM is coming back from its six-year hiatus to provide advice to our eternal and anonymous freshman, Josh. We’ve asked FM writers to help Josh come up with some new ideas to help pass his time in quarantine. Josh didn’t even ask for FM’s advice — so you can be the judge of who’s really crying for help here. Anyway, here are their expert answers.