Levity
Every Week, It's a Week
The latest addition to the lineup of cultish Kirkland activities, this is the Kirkland Choosening — the weekly Sunday night ceremony that inaugurates a new theme for the week as soon as the clock strikes midnight.
Starbucks’s War on Time
IT IS 50 DEGREES OUT. WAKE UP. REMOVE YOURSELF FROM STARBUCKS’S HOLIDAY SIMULATION. YOU ARE IN A DYSTOPIA CONTROLLED BY A MULTIBILLION DOLLAR COFFEE COMPANY.
The Haunting of Hicks House: One Night in Harvard’s Spookiest Library
In the years since its construction of Hicks House, located in Kirkland’s C-Entryway, lore has floated around Harvard’s campus of the ghosts living there. In an attempt to see them for myself, I decided to spend a night in the Hicks House Attic, now used as the Kirkland House library.
Hamburger with a Side of Flies
The flies had not yet realized that the humans around them were extremely hostile, so I formulated a new strategy in later meals — violence.
Rules and Guidelines for Harvard Situationships
In the name of preserving their independence while having casual sex, the most daring Harvard students enter agreements known as “situationships,” which are nowhere near the commitment of a relationship — God forbid! — but are way too involved to just be a “regular hookup.”
It's Hard to Find Parking on Bow Street
Late one lukewarm October night, a car careened off of Mount Auburn Street and crashed into the building of a semi-secret Sorrento Square social organization that used to occasionally publish a so-called humor magazine.
Section Kid and the Transformative Undergraduate Learning Experience
The raw transcript of an interview with one of Harvard’s premier Section Kids (who asked to stay anonymous so as to not draw attention to themselves or their classmates) about another “show-stealing” performance today.
God, I Love Taking Covid Tests
You gather white envelopes, your embossing kit, and with a little Harvard directory perusing, compile a roster of the [redacted athletic] team in your Notes app. You slide a Covid test into each envelope, seal the edge with hot wax, and write names on the front in cursive. It’s hard work, but someone’s gotta do it.
36 Questions That Lead to Admission
Admissions interview questions can be notoriously absurd. We've compiled 36 here — 18 of which are real questions current Harvard students say they were asked during their admissions interviews for several elite colleges. Can you guess which ones?
These Harvard NFTs Are Too Hot to Cancel
This all got me thinking — if I want to commodify clout, controversy, and kill the environment, then Harvard has about 380 years worth of history doing just that. So here is what I present to you: The Harvard NFT Collection.
Chester A. Arthur: Patron Saint of Imposter Syndrome
Presidents, they’re just like us! Chester A. Arthur, a New Yorker who served as the 21st president of the United States, had no business being where he was and was wildly unpopular and unqualified for his job. We all have a little Chester in us. This one goes out to you, Chet:
Increase Weekly Productivity by 40 Percent With This One Weird Trick
Ah, yes. College-sanctioned Relaxation Time. Nothing promotes Wellness more than gaslighting yourself into believing that you don’t need to panic over your Gov 20 essay when you definitely do. Luckily, a year with my high school ex had prepared me well.
Demand for Better Econ T-Shirts is Through the Roof
Some alternative suggestions for Harvard Economics t-shirt slogans, including “Like the Keystone Pipeline, but to Goldman Sachs" and “Looking for a causal relationship.”
Inside Mather Tower’s Metal Cage
Eventually, Bakshi heard a voice for “the first time in forever.” God? The ghost of Increase Mather? The Taco Nacho Salad Odor brought to life? No: the elevator’s telecom system. (When we press about the duration of “forever,” Bakshi clarifies that it had in fact been only 20 minutes.) The voice belonged to a serviceman who said, “We’ll have somebody come over to you right now.”
Advice to Josh: Quarantine
With a limited amount of things to do in quarantine, FM is coming back from its six-year hiatus to provide advice to our eternal and anonymous freshman, Josh. We’ve asked FM writers to help Josh come up with some new ideas to help pass his time in quarantine. Josh didn’t even ask for FM’s advice — so you can be the judge of who’s really crying for help here. Anyway, here are their expert answers.
My Mom is My Proctor and It’s Not That Chill
Many would think that, as freshmen, moving back in with our parents would not be that big of a deal, given that we have only been in college for six months. They are wrong.