Harvard Things to Buy Instead of the New iPhone

Another year, another iPhone. Here at Harvard, we’re used to things being on the pricey side. Merch, nearby restaurants, that thing called tuition... Luckily, we’re all about that glass-half-full-of-dollar-bills-type of thinking, so we’ve compiled some Harvard things you can buy instead of the latest iPhone. Maybe we don’t have it so bad after all.

50 Classic H Hats ($19.99 each)

Starting with a Harvard necessity, this is the perfect gift for all fifty of your closest family members! Oh what fun it is to spend your money on the people you love rather than on the latest and greatest technology. Now, you (plus your parents, cousins, and grandmother’s dog) can flex that Harvard pride, which, let’s be honest, is basically as big a flex as buying the iPhone 11.

100 pairs of Harvard Infant Bootie Socks ($9.98 each)

Winter is coming, and we all know what that means. Even infants need warmth in the freezing weather, and the Coop’s got them covered. Or maybe you’d like to invest in a pair of non-infant-sized socks for yourself for the same price. But wait, what if you lose a sock in the wash? Just buy another pair! Heck, throw them out after one wear! How about buying a bunch more for friends and family to share! Rhyming is fun — don’t buy that phone, don’t you dare!

1.3 Original Harvard Chairs ($784.98 each)

Remember those fancy wooden chairs you saw that one time you went to that talk in Sanders Theatre? Turns out you can get one for yourself, for just a little under the price of a new iPhone! Room decor for years to come? Check. A unique souvenir from your time here? Check. The comfiest chair you’ve ever sat in? Eh, the Harvard flex makes up for it.

0.3 of one Harvard University Men’s TAG Heuer Watch ($3495 each)

Yes, you read that right. The Harvard Shop offers all kinds of accessories, from bags and keychains to luxury jewelry and this premium watch. At this point, perhaps the new iPhone may be the way to go. After all, if this watch doesn’t give you access to your Google Calendar, PDF scanner, and Tinder profile, is there even a point?

166 Felipe’s burritos ($6 each)

Okay, we know Felipe’s burritos don’t *technically* belong to Harvard, per se, but we had to include the one item that has somehow managed to monopolize our monthly bank statements. We’d give up pretty much anything for this delicious 3 a.m. snack, and the iPhone 11 is no exception.

While new tech is always shiny and fun, we hope we’ve succeeded in convincing you to ditch that new iPhone for, well, just about anything else. Who knew that math could be so useful?