Have you ever sat in a lecture thinking… hey, I could do this. Well, I know I have! Here’s everything I would personally implement if I ever became a professor—and, let’s just say, my future students will be VERY lucky to have me.

People tab ALWAYS on

I honestly don’t know why Canvas…or professors…or WHOEVER is behind this devious move…decided to turn off the people tab for Canvas pages…but just know that when I find you, it’s over. Everyone knows the make-or-break factor in picking classes can be the people. Not only that, but how else am I supposed to identify my lecture crush? Seriously, evil work. I would never do this to my students.

Section sign-up Kahoot style

Pure ability and sheer willpower. This will take place after the first week of class and may be general trivia, fun facts about me, or even course material if I am in a good mood. I think if you haven’t been paying attention, or if you lose at the last minute, then you deserve to be stuck with the 9 a.m. Friday section. Sorry!

Syllabus distribution only after the first class

Just to keep things interesting. It’ll be like a give-and-take, since I’m giving them the people tab. They can’t have everything. I would like to keep class engaging and lively before dropping the syllabus— so if everyone decides to drop after seeing all the work I have assigned for the semester, I can still say I had a good crowd the first day. This is a necessary ego boost.

Music when walking in

Less arbitrary, but still fun. I always loved when teachers did this in high school, and I will never ever say that I miss high school, but I do miss the music. I will even be generous and maybe send out a suggestion form where all my students can add songs to the queue. They can thank me later. Walkout songs aren’t just for athletes…

Two fingers in the air to talk

This is just to keep the professor (me) entertained. It’s kinda like the Hunger Games thing, but funnier, and it avoids any messy copyright strikes the professor (me) could get. It’s not cheap living in Boston—there’s absolutely no way the professor can afford that lawsuit. :(

One essay written on anything but paper

Innovation at its finest. Not only can they not use ChatGPT at all, but they also have to use those Big Beautiful Brains to go find something else to write on. I have plenty of ideas I would personally like to see: chip bags, receipts, Amazon boxes. The list goes on ad infinitum. There would be a winner too, whoever is most creative, and yes, they would automatically get a 100. This isn’t a democracy.

A day where one student teaches the lecture instead

There is a saying that goes something like this, right? To know it is to teach it. If you want to build confidence in the material, stand up for an hour and fifteen minutes in front of all 200 of your peers and teach it to them! You better start studying now! Plus, the professor needs a break, too.

15-Minute Q&A sessions at the end of class as attendance

Attendance will be taken at the end of lecture—sorry everyone, it’s not fun talking to myself, contrary to popular belief. To stimulate that conversation, though, I will require everyone to ask me a question, then I will spend the next 15 minutes talking about the chosen questions. They can be anything—about me, about the course, about other students. Whatever your heart desires.

Technology-only class (except on essay day)

Technology ONLY allowed. In fact, anything else is prohibited. There has been this weird pretentious rise (looking at humanities concentrators) of like straight-up leather-bound notebooks and legal pads, and before this progresses to straight-up just feather and ink, I am outlawing everything but digital devices. Do whatever you want during lecture: record me, online shop, whatever your heart desires, as long as there isn’t a single piece of paper in sight.

One question per student ONLY

As a student, I am sick of the same people asking the same questions every lecture. As a professor, this would annoy me about 100 times more, and I have more authority now, so I would just straight up outlaw this. You only get one question, and you know who you are, so you better think long and hard about what you want it to be.

Well, there it all is. I know, awesome. Let all your friends at Flyby know if you would register for one of my classes if I were to ever teach. What I would teach…honestly, who knows or cares! I hope my personality makes up for the rest. And if Harvard is ever hiring new professors, you can trust that I’ll be throwing my resume into the ring. How hard can it be... anyways?