You know what time it is. The most awkwardly timed break (can you technically call it that?) of the fall semester is this weekend. While I am ecstatic that I won’t have to roll out of bed for my Monday classes, I know that this break would be a good time to get a jump on midterms. But instead, I’ll be side questing in and around Cambridge, so join me as I brainstorm some of my best slacking-off shenanigans!

Felipe’s Familiarity

I am undertaking perhaps my greatest challenge yet: getting the Felipe’s workers to recognize me in a SINGLE weekend. I wonder how many burritos it will take. Five? Eighteen? Is the best strategy here consistency or quantity? Is a single person ordering seven burritos more memorable than someone coming in seven times a day? These are the questions I aim to answer while I avoid studying yet again.

Bagel Bonanza

I’m hoarding my pennies (#RIP) and counting my quarters to save up for this weekend’s endeavor. Bagel Bonanza is a challenge to see just how much I can spend at PopUp Bagels in one go. It shouldn’t be too hard, as a mere three bagels ring in at a whopping $15. With my affinity for refined carbs, bringing the total to the hundreds of thousands, this should be a walk in the park. All I know is that the scallion cream cheese is calling my name.

Grocery Gamet

The weekend means it’s Trader Joe’s time, and I’m getting my chili lime roll-ups one way or another. Call me a basic white woman if you so please. Heck, I think I’ll turn my trip into a supermarket sweep. I’ll trek to H Mart, gaze longingly at the prices in Whole Foods (all of my money is for bagels, remember?), and even make a Target run. My mini fridge is about to be overflowing with the 2 freezer items I bought.

Coffee Conquest

We all know a weekend coffee date is a rite of passage. So why not coffee-maxx? Some could even say coffee conquest. With a PSL in one hand and cold brew in the other, I know that Pete’s, Dunkin, Blue Bottle, Starbucks, Farro, Luxor, Blank Street, and Bluestone (to name a few), will HATE to see me coming. While I may actually combust from that much caffeine, I will also be able to pin down my favorite spot for a cup of joe. It’s basically just research for good study spots, right?

Wish list Wondering

I’m a proud Scorpio (#stopthehate), which means my birthday is roughly in a month. So, I’ll be dedicating my weekend to planning the lonnnnngggggggest birthday wishlist ever. From private yachts to expensive dinners, my wishlist will be jam-packed with all that money could buy. Unless it’s my money, then I fear my wishlist may narrow significantly. Perhaps I could splurge on Tide Pods and dryer sheets in one trip? On my birthday, I’ll gladly have my cake and eat it too while gloating about how well this weekend turned out. We can glaze over the part about my midterm grades.

Signature Signatures

Everyone always wants celebrity autographs, and I fancy myself to be a high-ranking official (not including the nights I wear my fuzzy socks out in public). Accordingly, I will give out my signature to all of the tourists in Harvard Yard. Perhaps one day my signature will be worth millions…or maybe it’ll be used as a napkin at Noch’s in a decade from now. Nevertheless, my signature WILL serve a purpose. I just need to practice my cursive S’s.

Well, folks, there you have it. A list of things I plan to do this weekend while avoiding studying. I encourage you to try these tactics as well to bring a little whimsy into your life. How else would you rather spend your time? Productively? Please, we don’t do that around here. Instead, we spend all our life savings on bagels. The financially stable decision. See you there!