On Monday, from my perch in Kirkland, I trekked down four flights of stairs to the dining hall to track down a banana nut muffin. Room temperature with slightly softened nuts, it was a typical HUDS breakfast fare. On Tuesday, I once again trekked down four flights of stairs to the dhall and snagged a blueberry muffin with spots I’m pretty sure were blueberries. On Wednesday, I almost fell down four flights of stairs (#alarmnotset) on my way to the dhall. Once again, I grabbed a muffin, though this time of a spice variety. Who knows what tomorrow will hold? Well, probably a muffin.

This general lack of variety got me thinking: is there a world where I can be free from the shackles of breakfast muffins and the go-to Harvard yogurt bowl with HUDS cinnamon granola? Hear me out: we implement NEW HUDS ITEMS (¡Qué celebración!). While I sadly don’t have the power to change the HUDS menu overnight, I can suggest a list of totally awesome stuff that HUDS should really implement. Please, HUDS, I’m begging. I can’t eat more muffins and yogurt. PLEASE.

Expanded Yogurt Options

Let’s start with the basics. Every Harvard student knows the HUDS yogurt bowl like the back of their hand: Greek yogurt + granola + honey = average breakfast. But instead of having four separate containers dedicated to plain yogurt, let’s broaden our horizons (or maybe not—it is only 9 a.m. after all) and implement flavored yogurt. Why am I stirring juice into yogurt to flavor it? Seriously, it’s depraved to force this behavior. You know, let’s also serve fresh berries at breakfast. No one actually eats that frozen honeydew. Give me blueberries and blackberries with my breakfast! I’d be BERRY grateful (HUDS, I’m pleading).

Extended Smoothie Hours

I won’t lie, I love the HUDS smoothies at lunch. I just had the tart cherry smoothie today, and it rocked my world. But if HUDS can serve lunch smoothies, why not breakfast ones? My ideal buffet has coffee and smoothies, so I can stay energized and sweet all day long and stay loyal to my three-drink rotation (can’t forget my Owala full of ice water!). It would certainly make my midmorning commute to Timbuktu Maxwell Dworkin much more smooth(ie).

Investing in Excellent Bagels

HUDS, I challenge you to update your bagel game. Although Black Sheep Bagels and Pop Up Bagels call me like the Green Goblin, I can’t buy bagels every day (I mean, in this economy??). However, I’m also not in love with the basic branded bagels in the dhall that can be flatter than desired. And the current cream cheese selection is limited—merely a yes-or-no matter. Let’s get fluffy bagels in the dhall with scallion cream cheese and strawberry cream cheese each morning. Please spare me (and my wallet) from another Pop Up Bagels schmear.

Expanding Daily Hot Breakfast

Waking up extra early just to trek to Quincy for hot breakfast is nearly impossible. Especially in this nor’easter rain. I want hot breakfast everywhere. And, at that hot breakfast, I really want ham. I know the thin ham exists. It knows I exist. But we do NOT talk to each other. I want THICK ham. Sliced, if you will. Pan-seared. A ham I can cut with the (very dull) HUDS knives. I want grits too. Cheesy and warm in the morning before my midterm. My mom can’t be here to hug me, but the grits could definitely embrace me in their warmth. Finally, I want biscuits and gravy. Hot sausage gravy and warm buttermilk biscuits sound like heaven on Earth. With Math 122 in the afternoon, I need a morning reprieve.

Let’s Retire the White Movie Character Breakfast

While bacon and waffles are staples, they’re staples every single week. If we can have many themed dinner nights, why not bring that energy to our breakfast lineup? Congee in the mornings would be perfect and a lovely departure from the Quaker oatmeal that constantly haunts these colonial halls. Or perhaps breakfast burritos. A hybrid blend of cultures, the humble breakfast burrito ought to be represented.

So HUDS, what do you think? A little variety that builds upon what is already available? Or, perhaps let’s reinvent the breakfast menu altogether? Everyone would be grateful to collaborate on a few updates and, besides, it’ll give me something to do while I avoid my Python pset. Please, don’t leave me with Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday morning muffins again.