Whether you were larping as a 9-to-5 corporate employee in New York or clocking into a remote job from your bedroom, a common thread bonded us all this summer: Love Island. Summer nights were meant to be spent indoors watching a dating reality show, invested in the lives of people you will not care about a week after it ends.

You can pretend to be studious all you want—deep down, I know Love Island held some captivity over you at some point. Maybe you were not opening Peacock at 9 p.m. EST every night (except Hump Day) like me, but I would bet money you didn’t scroll away when the Casa Amor recoupling clips came up on your For You page.

With Declaration Day fast approaching (happy back-to-school season, folks!), we can take inspiration from our close personal friends on Love Island. Think, WWTLICD: What Would the Love Island Cast Do?

Sincere: Romance Languages and Literatures

Ah, ma bien-aimée. If Sincere can flirt his way into obtaining two beautiful fish in English, imagine his roster by speaking to women in Italian. A passionate tongue rolling off metaphors in French or Spanish could attract women like infinity stones. All he needs to do is learn how to say “my beloved” in three to five languages to ensure he never gets his girls confused. Looks like someone’s in the market for a language citation!

Kenzie: Theater, Dance, & Media

The clam slam queen deserves an environment where dropping in the splits is permitted at any given notice. Imagine the crimson “Theater, Dance, & Media” declaration poster being held up while in the splits. That’s art right there. She would easily clear any of the other contestants’ IG stories in front of Widener steps.

Zach: Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies

Aww, he is a cat dad who likes 1D and Taylor Swift. Zach GETS women. He is what I envision the London equivalent of a performative male looks like. Not that I think every man in WGS is a pick-me boy, but a highly committed pick-me boy obviously needs to choose WGS. How else can a woman know you actually care?

Corbin: Computer Science

CorbinGPT should stick to a place that feels like home. The body of a gym bro with the mind of an AI chatbot, Corbin could learn a thing or two about his algorithms himself in CS. Just imagine him posted up next to the ginormous CS50 duck in Sanders. Pure art. He even has the advantage of using himself as a subject in thesis research to discover whether AI really is conscious…

Melanie: Psychology

Give me 10? Oh, she knows ball (ball being coping strategies). Being able to withstand the trials and tribulations in her and Sincere’s relationship all the way up to the finale is laudable imo. Yeah, she had some outbursts, but that just showcased how good her emotion regulation skills are. Put her in charge of CAMHS ASAP.

Bryce: Philosophy

With age comes wisdom. Bryce was the season’s sage, or just the only guy with a fully developed frontal lobe. It should be required to have at least one 30-year-old on the show since he supplied half the advice this season. Bring back the Justice GenEd just for him. I’m sure he’d be Sandel’s star student.

There are a myriad of lessons we can take with us from the Love Island cast as we transition into a new semester. Now, we can only wait for one, or many, of their appearances at Harvard Business School for further words of wisdom (writing this to manifest it). Or, for any of you lucky sophomores reading this, a serendipitous scroll through Harvard Yard on Friday, October 9th. I hope you all have this date GCal-ed…